I spent my formative years growing up in Myrtle Beach, so we did our best to AVOID anything touristy. Sure, we might have ventured to a few places in May or September - back then we had a defined tourist season and there wasn't a line a mile long and the prices were lower for locals who couldn't afford the outrageous prices. But gone are those days.
(Side note joke: Why is it called "tourist season" if I can't shoot them? HAHA!)
I haven't lived in Myrtle Beach since I packed up and left for greener pastures (well, pastures in general, since there are none in Myrtle) back in 1998. So for the past 12 years I've come back to visit family and still not done anything touristy, which in general is fine by me.
But now we have the kids, and I think they might like to know there's more to do here than hanging out at Mimi's house and swimming. There's parks, water parks, animals exhibits, the aquarium, shops, etc that we never do because it costs an arm and a leg and it's swarming with Ohioans and Canadians.
Back in April, my best friend and I went to Hilton Head - just the two of us. It was soooo(oooo) nice. No kids, no husbands... but we missed them. We saw a ton of things it would have been fun to do with them (maybe not the visit to the tattoo parlor, which was my favorite part, but other things). So I think that maybe we've been gone from the beach long enough that we can finally be a tourist again.
So my wonderful mother-in-law and I sit down with the Monster Book (the coupon book where you get $1 off a $35 ticket to Medieval Times, etc) and look for things to do. Everything that looks like fun the kids are still too little for. And everything they might enjoy and be age appropriate costs $20 a person - including the kids. That's $80 for our little family to look at alligators or watch guys on horses jump around. I don't have that kind of money. Where do tourists get this kind of money?
Nearly a year and a half ago when we began the legal battle for custody of our adoptive son, I was searching a Bible website for a verse on faith.
I somehow clicked a "wrong" link and wound up not where I intended, but completely where God intended. I blogged about it back then and have returned to that verse several times over the last year plus.
Yesterday I spent time at the hospital with my precious daughter. Her doctor thought she might have an appendicitis. Two CT scans, 2 vials of blood (thank goodness Daddy was there), 5+ hours and more later - no appendicitis, thank God. She has an "impacted bowel," which is doctor speak for constipated. If she doesn't get moving soon though, it could cause further problems, so we're praying it will resolve quickly. (did you ever think before you were a parent that you would pray for poop? Nope, neither did I...)
Today also marks 2 weeks from when we will be in court fighting to keep our son with us and away from a family that we can only describe as toxic. I try my best not to judge his birth family - we don't know them - but there's a reason he was taken from them. And for the past 19 months we've learned a lot about the family that tells us that the state made the right decision by him.
So I've been stressed out. I'm exhausted. I feel like I've been running a marathon, and if you know me you know that I consider myself allergic to running (LOL). But I've been running my race.
And in my email inbox was a verse of scripture. Picked by someone I don't know intended for a large mass emailed audience, but God chose it for me.
It's my verse.
Since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. ~Hebrews 12:1
I smiled when I saw it. Despite how tired I am and how much I am ready for my race to be finished...tears sprang to my eyes after the day I had yesterday and the battle we've been waging since last year.
Yes, I am a huge sinner. I am so far from perfect...but I do my best to live my life for God and I want everyone to see me cross that finish line praising God regardless of where I place in the race.Of course, with Mac's case I want my son to be the winner in this. It's not about me, it's about him. And about Him.
Keep running the race, it's almost finished...the checkered flag is in sight. I'm almost there, thank God, I'm almost there.
I am living in a food allergy world and I am a food allergy girl.
Mac is allergic to just about anything good and yummy to eat. In fact, he's pretty much a vegan by allergy. He's allergic to dairy, soy, almonds (random!) and meat. Yes. Meat. I didn't even know you could be allergic to meat until his specialists told me he was allergic to it.
Thankfully, Mac's allergies are not life threatening in small doses. It causes excema and some unfortunate diarrhea. When he's 15 he's going to love that I tell everyone this. One day when he chooses to eat cheesy pizza, his sister will announce in front of all his friends, "Mac, you know you shouldn't eat that. You'll have diarrhea for days!" He'll be humiliated on top of his allergy issues. Maybe that will be enough to keep him away from those foods if he doesn't grow out of them.
But what gets me is the people who aren't aware that we live in an food-allergy world. I used to think all the food allergies were foolishness, but I quickly changed my tune when Mac came up allergic. I never give a child any food without checking with the parent first (ie: sharing snacks at the park). Even at McDonald's, my mom once started to give a little girl a french fry without asking her dad. I stopped her.
Me: "Mom, you don't know if she can have that."
Mom: "Why would she be at McDonald's if she can't have fries?"
Me: "Mac can't eat hamburgers and he's here."
Mom: "Oh. Right."
Always check before feeding other people's kids!
Not long ago we were at a popular fast food place for a Mommy & Me morning. We like to do this and then stay for lunch. It's a nice way to spend the morning. But when you get there at 9:30 and lunch isn't until 11:30 the kids can get a little peckish.
One mom, whom we will call Cheesy Mom, was happily feeding her kid goldfish crackers. Which is fine and dandy for them and I, Allergy Mom, admit to looking at those cheddar-laden fish with longing in my eyes, but since Mac can't have them we don't eat them (when he's around). But Cheesy Mom looks at Mac's hungry stares and gives him a handful of swimming cheese snacks.
There's nothing like running in seemingly slow motion toward your child as he raises an allergy-laden food toward his mouth as if it's edible gold and he must ingest as much as possible before you get to him because he knows he's not supposed to have it. As you get closer, you stretch out your arm, willing your fingertips to extend that extra millimeter so you can swipe the offending food away from your child's lips before they make contact.
Cheesy Mom looks at Allergy Mom in horror. Mac starts to cry. Sweat pouring from her brow and her heart still caught in her throat Allergy Mom breathlessly proclaims, "He's allergic to dairy!" (note: small details in the retelling may be embellished for the viewing audience)
Cheesy Mom stares down Allergy Mom as if she's not sure she believes this to be actual truth. But a second later Cheesy Mom gasps in horror as she realizes he faux paux. She apologizes profusely. Allergy Mom tries to brush it off because she realizes she's overreacting a teensy bit and says, "It's okay, but please check with parents before you give kids you don't know any food."
Just another person enlightened by Allergy Mom. Saving allergic kids one food at a time.
(And in all seriousness, please don't give any food to kids you don't know. It's kinda like zoo animals. Allergies are everywhere these days and it's not worth the risk, even if you think it's ridiculous. I used to think it was silly too until I had an allergic kid. A simple heads up to mom, "Is this okay?" will give you the green light to share or the red light to not. You will not offend moms of allergic kids, they will be grateful you took the time to ask.)
I think I'll start a new tradition of sharing a hero of mine on Sundays. Does that sound good? Good.
I haven't told today's heroine that she's going to be featured. Nor have I told her she is one of my heroines. Hopefully she won't mind and hopefully it will be no surprise.
I honestly think if I lived on the other side of the country where she lives I would follow her around like an eager student taking notes from her. But that's something she should be used to as a homeschooling mom of seven.
Today's Heroine is Faith. Faith is an amazing woman I met via an online group known as Hannah's Prayer. Hannah's Prayer is an online forum for Christian woman experiencing infertility, and while I only experienced primary infertility for two years, I go to know many wonderful ladies through that site. And from HP and now the Parenting After Infertility forums, I have gotten a small glimpse into the life of Faith and her family.
Faith is the adoptive mother of SEVEN precious children. She's not my heroine because she "rescued" them or because she and her husband are such "nice people" (though they seem to be!). She's my heroine because she selflessly loves, raises and teaches her children to love the Lord, to love each other and love all people. And she loves it.
I constantly show Marshall pictures of her amazingly gorgeous children and say, "I want that!" I want a bajillion children (because I'm sure at times she feels like she has a bajillion children), I want to raise them to be wonderful adults who live life for God. And adoption is something I feel so called to that I'm jealous she's been able to be going through the process now for the SEVENTH time!
Faith's children range in age from 2 months old to 10 years old (in fact, the kids are 2m, 2, 4, 6, 7, 7 & 10). She homeschools and even adoptive breastfeeds baby Canaan. I'm so impressed. Can you see the little stars in my eyes?
Now Faith will be the first person to tell you she's a normal person...in fact she blogged about it just the other day. But that just adds to her star quality in my book. It makes me feel normal, too!
So, Faith, SURPRISE! You are my hero today (and many other days). I want to be you when I grow up. Thank you for being a model example of a godly mother to me and everyone else around you!
I am stuck in a rut. I think this happens to moms a lot. It's the same routine day in and day out and the biggest excitement we face is picking different fruit at the store.
I wish I knew how to get out of this rut. And I really wish it wasn't 105 degrees out and there was more to do in this town than peruse Wal-Mart for submissions to Cake Wrecks or People of Wal-Mart.
That's me today. And that's okay. We'll all entitled to a blah day every so often, right? Good.
I had a grand idea to write a book called Motherhood: From Loving it to Hating it and Back Again (One Mother's Satirical Take on Infertility, Pregnancy, Adoption and Parenting). Currently it's sidelined because I'm deep in the trenches doing research (aka: being a mommy). I'm also trying to maintain house, keep the romance alive and write 3 fiction novels. So this project is on the back burner.
One of the questions I asked was "What is the most infuriating thing about motherhood? About your children?"
Here are some of the (anonymous) responses I've gotten. I'm sure you will be able to identify with a few...
I wish my 9 year old would take school a bit more seriously...he is so capable, but puts no effort in his studies. I'm sure this is typical of many his age. :) Also, his slowness in doing things he doesn't want to do. It once took him 8 hours to sweep our back porch. He is as stubborn as I am!
Sassing me, back talking, that is the most infuriating thing. I don't appreciate having myself being questioned by her.
When my oldest turned 3, she began to throw major fits when something did not suit her just right. She is still doing this, and nothing we have tried seems to get through to her. I am hoping she gets past this "stage" sometime soon. It is so very, very frustrating!
The most infuriating thing is the lack of time for yourself. When I was a SAHM, I went a little crazy. I became "Anna's* mom", not Mary*, and that was very frustrating. I cried more those months than I have the rest of my life combined.
When you feel like you can't do anything right! Your child is crying, you are crying, your husband is either not at home or not helping! it makes you feel like a failure!
Trying to balance being a mom and a wife and a woman ... finding the balance between having time to myself and fulfilling my roles as mom and wife.
Sometimes I feel like the poop and drool are never ending.
And the top answer? This one sums it up rather well...
The day-in, day-out monotony can oftentimes be soul-crushing. Especially when they're very young, the same routine every day of mostly sleepless night, nurse, diaper change, fuss, nurse, nap, nurse, etc. becomes difficult to take. When your toddler has a day of nothing but screaming angrily at everything you do, you wonder if you were really cut out for this monumental task of parenthood. When bone-numbing weariness sets in, it can be difficult to see the bright side.
See? It's not you. It's all of us. Let's plan a girls night out!
So many of my friends are having babies...it's like a plague of cuteness. They're dropping all over the place and being the name nerd that I am, I'm just relishing in the names I'm seeing everywhere.
Here's a list of recent and upcoming namings (2010) from FB friends:
Boys:
Benjamin
Bryan
Canaan
Kaden
Kembe (who was FINALLY adopted from Haiti after the earthquake. His Momma has a great blog I highly recommend.)
Sawyer
Titus
Girls:
Alyssa
Ainslee
Evyn (said like Evan)
Kaitlyn
Katie
Kennedy
Molly & Mayson (twin girls!)
Olivia (x3 so far this year!)
Samantha
Savannah
Sydney
So, I think 2010 is a year for girls, first off. Wow! And this is just what I came up with off the top of my head!
But picking out a name is fun! It's new and associated with the newest and presumably cutest member of your family. It's like shopping - you can be cute, classic, sophisticated, quirky or whatever you want to be.
But it's also a tremendous amount of pressure. This is the name your child will be saddled with FOR LIFE. Until the day they die your child will be known as Frederick Smeaderhead Jones or Talullah Jezebel Franklin (married name: Saunders). It's a forever commitment. It's a lot to live up to.
I happen to know a girl named Precious. And another girl named Cherish. Neither of these girls are precious nor are they cherish-able in my book. They're kinda snotty. I used to have a girl in my after school care class named Treasure. And boys named Prince, Urhines (that's "Your Highness," not urine, I promise!) and Messiah (yes, Messiah is a given name now) just have too much pressure on them to achieve star status. Wowee! I'm all for virtue names (Faith, Mercy, Honor) but some are just too much weigh to put onto a child.
Some names are stuck as perpetual 5-year-olds. Cute on little kids with pigtails and skinned knees...not so much for doctors, professors or even butchers. Nicknames (Ellie for Eleanor/Ellen, Benjy for Benjamin) are great, but not as given names. Give Gracie a chance to grow up in the "grace"ful woman she can be!
Something that I think most couples go through when coming up with a name is tossing around using family names. Do we name the baby after Grandma Clara or Uncle Theodore? What about Aunt Bertha or Cousin Percival? (PS - initials are a great way to honor someone, Martha Annette becomes Madeleine Anna. Or use name meanings. Katherine becomes Karis (pure), Margaret becomes Megan (Megan is also an old Welsh diminutive for Margaret.))
This is what Marshall and I have done...we agreed to use family names for our children. It saves us from arguing too much over what we named our kids. Considering the name Jacqueline? Hmm, it's not on the family tree so out it goes.
For us, Sarah Bradley was named for both my grandmothers. Her middle name is actually NOT a family name, but it was the name of my college roommate who passed away from Leukemia at age 24. Mac is actually Marshall IV and I insisted on him having a nickname so as to differentiate him from all the other Marshall's and nicknames in the family (in addition to 4 Marshall's in a row, there's also cousins with the name as well).
Now, some families I know purposely decided to NOT use family names at all so as not to offend anyone whose name did not get used.
I try to respect other people's naming habits, though I admit I'm a name snob and cringe at some truly horrid names (Pilot Inspektor anyone?) and even some not so horrid ones (Harper? Really? One who harps? Not good, people! Sorry.).
Oh, I see you over there... you think maybe I'm silently judging the name you have cherished most since you were 14. Maybe I am. But it's your baby, and you can name him or her anything you please. Just remember that child will be saddled with it for life (unless they decide to change it a la Miley Ray Cyrus, who was born Destiny Hope Cyrus).
If you're reading this thinking, "Okay, name snob, what other names would you use for your children?" I'd say I'm so glad you asked because I'm going to tell you.
Of course, all names are subject to change, as we all change our minds about things on occasion, but for the record, right now if we were to adopt or have another child (none coming that we know of, BTW) they would be:
Girls: Laura Elizabeth "Betsy" _something_
Alice Mariella _something_
Boys: Our top names are Patrick, Felix & Gus, but we're not sold on a particular order or anything. James is a very likely middle name as well.
So there you have it... the name post. Sure to be repeated annually. I'll try not to go off onto rants.
I hate that we have to keep meeting like this. Quietly, when nobody is around. Sneaking around after the sun has gone down and the kids are asleep...or occasionally when Marshall is around to watch the kids. I wonder if he suspects. I mean, part of me wishes he did - this is an awful lot of effort for no one to know.
I can't wait till we can be together again. To feel your long fingers running through my hair, massaging my back and tickling the back of my knees. I so enjoy getting all hot and steamy.
Maybe, one day, we can be together out in the open. I wouldn't care if everyone knew. But right now it could lead to destructive behaviors for the kids. I hope you understand.
We have known each other for years, haven't we? We used to meet up at any time of day and spend a lot of time together. One day we will be able to do that again, I promise.
Until then, I will await our clandestine meetings. And you will forever be my...shower.
I know I tend to make this blog about my musing about being a mom and not so much about "the kids," but I am just so in love with the pictures we had done last week that I had to share them with you all here...
They're never done. Never. No matter what, the to-do list is ever growing and seldom changing.
Let's take a look at a typical to-do list in my house:
Laundry
Dishes
Straightening up
Pick up prescriptions
Feed kids/dogs
Make dinner
Get anniversary card
Notice anything? Five of those seven things are DAILY TO-DOs! They are never crossed off the list! I can do a load of laundry, but guess what?? There's another load still waiting! ARUGH! It's a never ending cycle of to-dos that will never get the glitz and glamour of coming off the list.
So here's what I do. I make a "Ta-Da" List instead. Make a list of things you accomplished today, both big and small. Because even if it's not on your to-do, you did it and that's what counts.
Here's today's Ta-Da List:
Fed kids/dogs
Load of laundry
Put dishes away
Picked up prescription
Went to fundraiser lunch for a local group who's home burned down
Took said lunch to Marshall's office so we could all eat together
Picked up boxes for best friend who's moving
Made tea & kool-aid
Blogged!
Look! I did two more things than what's on my to-do list! Isn't that amazing??
So next time you have a daunting, never ending to-do list... maybe rearrange it into a Ta-Da list instead!
From the minute Sarah Bradley was born I was warned by other parents, "Watch out, before you know it, she'll be grown." And "You'll blink and she'll be a young lady."
I'm blinking... she's not growing. Neither is Mac.
Not that I want them to become instant adults. Certainly not. I like that they need me on occasion. I like that I get to kiss owies and hug bruised egos. They are at fun ages where they are exploring and learning every day.
The bad part about that is that they're exploring rambunctiously and those owies and bruised egos come one after another in quick succession. I don't have time to recover from one before another hits.
I wouldn't mind if my kids were a little more independent. I don't want them going off on "group dates" or anything... but if they could feed themselves breakfast or a snack I'd be thrilled. If Sarah Bradley were to wake up one morning and not burst into my room announcing, "I'm hungry and I gotta go potty," I will cry tears of joy when I actually do wake up. I promise. It will be after 10am, but I promise it will happen.
I don't want to blink and miss out on my kids growing up. But I do wish I could blink and have them be a little more self-sufficient...just a little...
And I don't mean variety as in steak house, burger joint, japanese fusion, java hut, etc.
I mean category as in how friendly a restaurant is for your average family of four. And hey - I happen to be a member of a family of four, so I'm an expert.
Some restaurants are great for kids, some not so much. I hate going to some restaurants where my kids might be a little unruly or loud and I get nasty stares... Hey buddy, you're in a Denny's, get over it. If we were in The Melting Pot I could understand those stares. But when you're in a restaurant billed as "family fare," you got no place to be staring at me.
And as a heads up - you may want to take notes, because this is usable in every day life!
So here are the different types of restaurants I've come up with:
Fast Food, Type A - Yes, there are two types of fast food restaurants. While all are generally kid-friendly, not all fast food joints are the same. Type A are the ones with Play Areas. The coveted play areas are a must for moms (and dads) who want a few minutes to chew in peace. These are especially nice in extreme weather conditions (snow, rain, 10,000* heat, etc). Some of these can even get a "+" after their A when the play area doesn't have dining tables inside and the kids must go into a fairly sound-proof room in order to play. Ahhhh...
Restaurants that fit Fast Food, Type A:
McDonald's
Chick-Fil-A
Burger King
Fast Food, Type B - These are the fast food restaurants that do not have those magical play areas to occupy your children while you're cruising Facebook on your iPhone. Still fast, still incredible non-nutritious, but it's more of an in and out type thing.
Restaurants that fit Fast Food, Type B:
Arby's
Hardee's
Wendy's
Fast with Service - These aren't necessarily fast food, but they are quick and someone serves you instead of you having to round up your whole crew just for more Dr. Pepper. These are also generally cheaper than the 'Family Friendly' restaurants. Mom & Pop places fit this bill as well as other quick service places. This is also where Little Old People go and they don't seem to mind the antics of little ones because they're "so incredibly adorable" (and yes, I have heard that several times).
Restaurants that fit the Fast with Service category:
Denny's
Pizza Hut
any meat & three diner
Family Friendly - this is the widest category of restaurant. Family Friendly is defined as any place that provides your child(ren) with a colorable menu and a variety of crayons (bonus points if they have the little individual boxes of crayons). The kids have their own menu, they're occupied and you feel like you are a grown up again because the place serves margaritas. This is usually the place where people out on date night or business meetings give you the evil eye for bringing your children into a restaurant. But hey - they have the crayons, so they're just as welcome as you are Mr. & Mrs. Abercrombie. Get over it.
Restaurants that are billed as Family Friendly:
Applebee's
Outback Steakhouse
Mexican Restaurants
Borderline - These are the restaurants where kids go, but they aren't necessarily the best place for kids under 8 or so. There might be a kid's menu (or they can order the "smaller portion"), but it's really not the place for small kids. I take mine there anyway because we usually have a group of kids and people can't give nasty stares to 5 kids all together because in those numbers they usually play well. But these restaurants are best reserved for special occasions that do well kid-free.
Restaurants that are Borderline:
Miyabi/Japanese steakhouses
Wild Wing (simply for the noise/drunkenness factor)
Olive Garden (ok, I realize this may be "Family Friendly," use your discretion depending on your kids)
No Kids Allowed - Now, there's only a few places I can think of that falls into this category, but that's because I live in a small Southern town and we just don't have these places around here. But these are the restaurants where children should not go. There may be a few reasons why - expense, lack of crayons, opulent decor...I'll also include any place where the alcohol menu is bigger than the food menu or where people are scantily clad. If you need to hide your children's eyes, they shouldn't be there.
Restaurants where you should hire a sitter:
Hooters (scantily clad)
The Melting Pot (price/opulence)
Tiger Town Tavern after 3pm* (drunkenness, but lunch time is usually okay)
So there you have it - the ranking of restaurants according to kid-friendliness. Maybe you should print this out and keep it in your purse for quick reference. When you pull up to a place you can whip out your list, check for kid-friendliness and decide if it's a place your wee ones can safely eat.
*If you are unfamiliar with Tiger Town Tavern, this is a local bar in Clemson that is frequented by college kids who have just turned 21 so that they can drink themselves into a stupor and get a free t-shirt announcing the legalness of their age. You can sub this with your local drunken pub.
I remember when this song came out the year after I graduated from high school and thought it so profound. It's still true today. In fact, I think I can read listen to this now and apply the advice today and look back in another 20 years and the truths will still hold when I'm approaching 50 (isn't that a scary thought?).
The lyrics, which was actually a poem written for the Class of 1997 (not 1999!) are below...
"Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97:
Wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.
Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.
Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.
My daughter is a diva. Seriously. This reality is slowly sinking in for me.
Let's say I'm making dinner and I pour her a drink. Let's say she gets milk in her lemon cup. I hand it to her.
"No! I want milk in my Princess cup!"
"Sarah Bradley, it's already poured. Just drink this."
"But-but- I told you wanted the princess cup!" (insert crying action here)
"Fine, fine, hang on." (pull down disney princess cup and pour milk into that) "Here you go."
Screams that can be heard for miles erupt from my child. "Not THAT princess cup! The GREEN PRINCESS CUP!"
I'm so startled by her reaction, I grab said cup and pour the milk into that.
I hand her said cup and she immediately stops screaming and says, "Thanks, Momma!" As she saunters off with the cup of her choice.
All I'm left to do is stare in her wake and mumble, "Anything you want, Princess."
This type of occurrence has become increasingly common. A lot of times it's because the conflict in question just isn't worth the time and effort into putting up a fight. You want another cup... okay. No biggie to me. You want a pink shirt and not a purple one? Sure. Not worth the screaming and fighting that would ensue if I argued.
But I see bigger things on the horizon. Giving in on her shirt will turn into buying her nothing but Ralph Lauren clothes and that will turn into buying her a $30,000 car when she's 16! It will never end!
Oh, you want to ride your bike thru Daddy's office? Sure, no problem!
I need to learn to put my Mommy foot down. I do on bigger things (No, you can't wear your winter coat in 100* heat, Ice-cream is not for dinner, your brother is not a blank canvas to draw on...), but I need to let her know that she can't get away with everything.
I need to let Sarah Bradley know that while she may be the Princess, I am The Queen and what I say goes. I am the boss. I am the end-all, be-all in her world.
Just call me Queen Allison the Kill Joy, Mother to Princess Diva in the Twinkle Toes...
My poor baby boy has nightmares and I wish I knew how to resolve them.
I guess that's part of the adoption experience - side effects you never thought of before. And with us bringing Mac home at 10 months we thought we would avoid so many of the adoption-related issues. But we were wrong.
During nap time the other day, I heard the unmistakable shrill scream of my little boy. I ran to him and found him drenched in a cold sweat, shaking. He slowly said as buried his head in my shoulder, "Get me, Momma" (which is Mac for 'hold me'). I asked if he had a bad dream and he nodded.
What can one do for a 2-year-old who has a nightmare? Especially when you have no idea what the nightmare is about? He's had these for as long as I can remember.
I did what any mom would do...I held him, I cuddled him and told him I would never let anything bad happen to him.
Why has his life been so hard? Why do things that happened in his life before he was even a year old still affect him to this day? As an adoptive parent, I (like many others) have thought I could love the pain and hurt away...but that's just not possible. It's something we will have to deal with for the rest of his life.
I'm just glad I'm the one who gets to help him in his journey...
This week my 13-year-old niece is staying with us. She's a sweetie, my first baby. I absolutely love her.
My niece, Madison, age 13
But she's a teenager and has really given me a glimpse of what it will be like to parent a teen.
One one hand, I think it will be much easier... I could run to the store and leave a teenager behind. I could *gasp* shower - whenever I wanted to - and not worry about the house burning down around me. I might even be able to take a girls night out without having to worry about Daddy being home. I don't have to constantly come up with new things to keep the kids entertained, they can entertain themselves.
The flip side of that, however, is that teens are not as easily amused and entertained as little kids are. Now I can take the kids to Chick-Fil-A or the toy store and they're entertained for hours. Yeah, not working so well with the teen. Right ow she's playing with her iPod and her cell phone - texting, listening to music, etc. I guess that's not bad, but the fact that I'm not as needed as I was when she was little is kinda sad. But I still have to drive her around and the demands of a teen are high (of course, not a whole lot different from the high demands of a little one, just in a different way).
Of course, it's very nice to have a helping hand with the little ones. Teenagers are great at helping. I don't have to buckle anyone in the car, I don't have to hold two hands - I get one free. I have an extra set of eyes to watch the kids. I told her that when she's a little older I'd hire her to come up for the summer and nanny for us.
Overall, it's nice having a teenager. I'm not experiencing the fights and turbulence that comes with it and I'm glad of that...I have 10 years before I have a 13-year-old and I'll enjoy those 10 years as much as I can!
