Monday, November 14, 2011

No, You Cannot Sword Fight Girls

My son has recently discovered sword fighting. He's three. I blame the blockbuster Puss in Boots for this new obsession.
Vampire Pez dispenser? It's a sword.
Ramone from Cars? It's a sword.
SB's pink belt? It's a whipping sword.

And Mac keeps trying to sword fight his sister. SB, while she loved Kitty SoftPaws, has no real desire to duel with swords. Mac does not seem to get this and it keeps getting him in trouble.

This was our conversation tonight (in the car, mind you!).
  • SB: Mom! Mac is using his noisy monster truck to sword fight me!
  • Me: Mac, please don't use your truck as a sword.
  • Mac: {Devilish laughter}
  • Me: Mac, listen, your sister does not want to sword fight. In fact, you should not sword fight any girl. Girls are to be treasured and cherished, not sword fought.
  • Mac: Okay...?
  • Me: If you want to sword fight, you can do it at school, only at play time. And you should approach your guy friend...
  • Mac: Dalton!
  • Me: Okay, Dalton. You should approach Dalton and say, "Yo, Dalton, it's playtime, wanna sword fight?" And if he does he'll says, "Yeah, Man, that sounds awesome. Let's go!" And then you can sword fight. But if Dalton doesn't want to sword fight he'll say, "You know, I'm having fun swinging right now. How 'bout I check it out later, yo?" And then you do not sword fight Dalton, you see if Coby or Eli want to sword fight. But under NO circumstances are you to ask Mattie, Helena, Megan or Emma if they want to sword fight. They are girls. They do not sword fight. You got me?
  • Mac: Yes. I understand. I'll say, "Dalton do you wanna sword fight?" And he will say, "Of course I do!"

(I love how I was using the cool slang and my son repeated that as "of course.")

But anyway...if my son asks you (if you're female) or your daughter to sword fight, please redirect him towards another member of the male race. And try to teach him some slang while you're at it.


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