South Carolina Foster Care Adoption Stats

As you know I live in the great state of South Carolina. I love where I live. It's peaceful, beautiful, and the people are wonderful.

Too many South Carolina children are in foster care. My son was one of them. He entered care as an infant - about 6 months old. We are so thankful we could bring him home permanently when he was 10 months old. We finalized his adoption when he was 2.5. He made me passionate about adoption. He made me passionate about adopting from foster care.

Looking at nacac.org, in 2010 nearly 1,700 children were waiting to be adopted from foster care in SC. And for those waiting - a majority had been in foster care over 3 years already.

For those adopted, the average age was 6 years old. And the average age of a child waiting to be adopted is 8. That's an average. Studies show that once a child hits 9 years old, the chances of him or her being adopted drops drastically.

According to the site, white children are adopted more than other races. 42% of the children waiting to be adopted are white - and 53% of adoptees were white. 44% are black, and only 34% of those adopted were black.

14% of children in SC's foster care system were adopted in 2010. Amazingly, 83% went back to parents or a relative! That's so encouraging! (The remaining 3% either aged out, ran away, or were listed as "other.")

59 South Carolina children aged out of foster care without a permanent family. That means no family to come home to at Christmas. No family to encourage them in college, work, or anything else. Noone to turn to when they need help.

If you want more information about SC foster care and/or adoption, check out the SC Foster Parents Association. You can also check out the SC DSS page.

Foster Care Facts 2013

I realize I've been an absentee blogger. My computer doesn't have a "home" anymore, so I just don't sit around like I used to. Great for the house work and kids - bad for the blogging.

May is National Foster Care Awareness Month. We adopted our oldest son through foster care, so it's something that's near and dear to my heart. I do a literal happy dance when someone tells me they're going to adopt through foster care. These kids need homes and love!

According to the childwelfare.org, the latest data I can find is for 2011, there were over 400,500 children in foster care throughout the US, almost half of which were in non-relative foster homes. And for about half of those kids, the goal is to get them back with their family.

Sadly, 6% of them - that's over 24,000 children - are in group homes. In Upstate SC, where we live, there are several children's homes that are at capacity. It breaks my heart and we regularly make donations to some local homes to help out. 

In the 2011 fiscal year over 250,000 children left foster care (yay!). Just over half (52%) went back to their parents. 20% were adopted (that's 50,000 kids), and 14% went to live with another relative or guardian.
With the kids who left foster care, 46% spent under a year in care. I'm fairly impressed with that number. I mean, ideally no kids would have to go into care, but I'm glad that it's less than a year for almost half of them. Sadly, 16% will spend more than 3 years in care.

I bet you're wondering how old these kids are. The median age for a child in foster care is 8.8 years old. That's because many of them don't get into care until they've entered elementary school. The average age of entry is about 6.5.
This is scary. My daughter is 6.5. I can not imagine her being ripped from her family, no matter how dysfunctional, and being thrown into a family dynamic she had no clue about. Can you imagine your kids doing that?

So what will become of these kids? 

Of the estimated 400,540 children in foster care on September 30, 2011:

• 52 percent had a goal of reunification with parent(s) or
• principal caretaker(s).
• 25 percent had a goal of adoption.
• 6 percent had a goal of long-term foster care.
• 5 percent had a goal of emancipation.
• 3 percent had a goal of living with other relative(s).
• 4 percent had a goal of guardianship.
• 5 percent had not yet had a case plan goal established. 
  
  
  So you can see the facts are...sad. Really sad. So many children. Over 100,000 waiting to be adopted in 2011. Did you know if all the adults in the three counties around me adopted one child, no more children would be waiting for parents in the US. And those are just the ones ready to be adopted. 
  But if you paid attention - 100,000 kids waiting. Only 50,000 were adopted. So 50,000 more kids were left waiting for a forever family.
  
  If adopting, fostering, or even doing respite care is an idea in your head, look into it. Why not? Gather information. I promise it's worth it!

When I Met a Boy

One of MamaKat's Writing Prompts this week was Describe where you were when you met a boy.

So I thought I would tell you about where I was when I met my son. He was a boy, and I had to meet him.

I first saw my son's picture on Dec 7, 2008. A cute little guy with ears that stuck out. My husband and I said yes - we wanted to bring him home.

Mac, once we got him home.

On Dec 22, we put SB in the car and we drove two hours to a small, stinky trailer where the wallpaper was literally peeling off the walls. The place reeked of smoke so much that my eyes burned.
But the people inside were quiet, nice. Our son's foster parents were a little older, but not old. They both had tears in their eyes and did not smile. They had taken care of our son for three months - I'm sure they were attached to him, used to him, felt like they knew him.
Then I saw him. The little boy from the picture. He was sitting in a baby walker, bumping along in that tiny trailer. Three days before Christmas and he was wearing a white "wife-beater" tank top, blue plaid pants and navy blue shoes. His cheeks were as red as Rodolph's nose. He had bronchitis and a double ear-infection.
The social worker had told me not to take a ton of pictures in their house, so I refrained and sadly don't have any pictures from that first hour. But that's okay. I have the boy.
We stayed for about an hour. I asked if the baby had a lovey - a blanket or toy he loved. They said no. And he didn't take a pacifier either. He never cried, they said (we later learned he did not know how to cry), and was an easy baby.


His things were in two big black trash bags. One was Christmas gifts still wrapped up. I felt bad that they had probably had to remove those things from under their tree. I realized later that his name had been on one of those angel trees because all the gifts were pricey. I prayed and silently thanked those who were willing to give to my son.
When SB - who had just turned two - announced she was ready to go, we left. I took one picture of my son with his foster parents. For their privacy I won't share it here. We put the kids in the car and left.

Mac and his social worker

We got home and put SB down for a nap. We looked at the expressionless little boy in front of us and wondered what to do with him. He was 10 months old and I had no idea what his schedule was, what he ate, what he enjoyed. I suddenly wished I had the foster parents' phone number to call and ask, but we never saw or heard from them again.
I washed his things twice and they still reeked of smoke. I threw it all away. I kept two little stuffed animals and a blanket his foster mother had crocheted for him.

It's been almost 3.5 years and I will never forget the day I met my son, Mac. This is part of his story.

They Didn't Call

Part of our agreement in adopting Mac was that a certain set of his biorelatives would have visits with him four times a year.

I don't really blog about it because it's his and their time, not mine, even though we're all there and I have to answer the same 5 questions for 4 straight hours. But I won't go there. I work very hard not to speak ill of these people, because really they are fairly nice.

They were scheduled to have a visit with Mac in January. Typically, they call about 2 weeks before Visit Month and we set up a date and location for the visit. We've done everything from the zoo to the movies, museums to play parks.

Typically, I get a call for Christmas. They want to talk to "The Baby." I have to remind them that Mac is no longer a baby, but I think they just don't want to use the name we gave him. And typically we get a call for his birthday, having just passed as you know.
And the visit is in-between where they inundate him with old toys he's either too young or too old for and clothes that fit last year. But they mean very well and really do love him. They are very sweet and also usually bring SB a little gift as well.

But they didn't call. No phone calls or cards. No scheduled visit. Nothing. Now, these people are elderly. I've checked the obituaries, I hate to say. Nothing.

I know what you're saying - we could call them, but Marshall and I firmly feel that if they want to see him, they will call. It's not up to us to schedule their visits. We send cards and pictures at appropriate times (Christmas, his birthday, and after visits so they have pics from the visit.).

Did they give up on my son? As much as Marshall and I dread the visits, we think it's the best thing for Mac so we support them happening. They haven't missed one yet. I'm shocked.
I'm happy for me - we don't dislike these people, but we don't trust them with an inch.
But I am so very sad for my son. Why didn't they call? Did the last people from his biological family who cared give up? If they're sick or if they've died, would someone tell us?

Being part of a forced open adoption is a strange thing. It's all so unknown.
I think I will send a card to them with Mac's birthday pics in it... maybe we'll get something back. Even if it's bad news.

I Remember the Day We Brought You Home...

I can hardly believe it's been three years since we brought home an adorable, quiet little 10-month-old boy. Three years since we signed the pre-adoption agreement that I *still* carry around in my purse. Three years since the social workers told us to take home a complete stranger and turn him into our son.

I love these eyes...

I still remember every detail. We met a tiny slip of a girl at the DSS office and followed her to a tiny little trailer in a town I still can't identify.
There we met two very nice people who were caring for a tiny little boy. The trailer reeked of smoke and the wall-paper was peeling. Apparently smoking is okay for foster parents (and I don't begrudge them that), but this place smelled terrible. Marshall and I held our breath for the better part of the hour we were there.
Then we met Mac. It was December 22 and he was wearing a wife-beater tank top. He was in a walker and we later learned he probably spent hours a day in that walker because that was his mode of conveyance - how he moved around. He had a double ear infection and bronchitis. All his clothes were in a grimy gym bag, with the rest in a black trash bag.
After being there an hour (in which time I hardly touched Mac, because the social worker said not to "swoop in and take him") SB announced she was ready to go home. Thank goodness for articulate 2-year-olds.
We loaded his things up and headed back to the DSS office to sign some papers. Then they told us to take him home. They would come in a few days to check on us.

Mac and the World's Best social worker, Amanda

Everything he had reeked of smoke. Everything. Nobody had told me not to wash a child's things because they "smell like home." I washed and rewashed everything. And then threw all but a few things in the trash because of the smell. One little toy that I put in his crib (he did not have a lovey, so that wasn't an issue), and I kept the pants and shoes he came home in. I think that was it.
Mac got a bath about 10 minutes after coming home to wash the smoke smell off of him.

We had a very rough go of it at first. I was incredibly sick/anxious for weeks. Mac would not sleep without sleeping ON someone for weeks. It was a long, hard road for us.

But now - now three years later. I am amazed. This is my child. He may not be flesh of my flesh, but he IS the love of my heart. He's gone from a blank - I do mean blank - child to an energetic, expressionful, gorgeous child.

Happy Gotcha Day to my wonderful Mackie-Boy, Mac-Man, Mac Attack, Macaroni. My son.

A confident and loved little boy...

Welcome!!! Have Some Ice Cream!!

Oh, thank goodness you're here! I was having a hard time keeping the ice cream away from the kids! I saved it just for you.
In case you haven't heard, it's my SITS Feature Day!

It's like a birthday, only better because I get comments. But the double-fun is that my birthday (yep - the 3rd anniversary of my 29th birthday!) is on Christmas Day, so we can celebrate BOTH!
Two scoops for everyone!

If you're new to A Few Sprinkles Short of a Sundae or not, it doesn't matter, I have ICE CREAM! Just don't touch my sprinkles! I'm already short.

For those of you NOT used to my sarcasm and superfluous use of exclamation marks (!!!!), I'm Allison. I'm a Christian woman, wife and mother - both biological and adoptive. I'm an avid adoption blogger and I also strive to let other moms out there know that they are not alone in this vast world of motherhood and all the twists and turns our busy lives provide.

This is me, wild hair and all!!

And yes, that is a halo above my head! Actually, I took this pic of myself at Bloggy Boot Camp Atlanta and I had the hardest time trying to hide that darn halo. Just ask my Tribe Members - I bet they saw it!

This is my family:

 

We are made up of two crazy trombone players who met when we were 13 years old, started dating at 17, and got married at 22! We have a biological daughter, SB, and an adopted son, Mac. We also have two heaven-bound children whom I cannot wait to see one day seated at the feet of Jesus.

Now, to find out more about who *I* am, check my about me page, and please please check out My Testimony about trusting God! These both include abridged versions of our story regarding infertility, miscarriage, giving birth and fighting tooth and nail to adopt.
And if you just want to know what the best posts are, I have a tab for that, too. See The Posts You Don't Want to Miss!

Oh, you want to know why I'm A Few Sprinkles Short of a Sundae? Good question. You see, way back in 2006 I started a blog about my pregnancy. Then it evolved into talking about my baby and our quest to adopt through foster care. And then we went into the fight of our lives to keep our son both with us and safe, so that blog came down and this one - which is slightly more anonymous - came up. I called it "Mommy's Scoop." And from the scoop came being "A Few Sprinkles Short of a Sundae," to indicate that I don't have all the answers.

There is so much more that I want to say, but I'll stop here and let you explore! I hope you enjoy your stay and have another scoop of ice cream!


Follow @SprinklesofAlli




 

I'm on Facebook, too!

The Face of Adoption

It's the end of National Adoption Month. I appreciate your readership. When I first started blogging about adoption many people told me I was depressing them with the facts I provided and I have changed to lighten things up more.
But the truth is that foster care, orphans and adoptions all start off as very sad events. I do think adoption is a miracle, but in order for an adoption to take place hearts must first be broken and that's never fun.

First/Birth/Bio parents and families either make the loving decision to place their child for adoption, breaking their hearts in the process. My good friend Ellie, who is a bio-mom, said, " I held her, alone, and as we watched ‘The Little Mermaid’ together, I imparted to her all the wisdom I had at that age. I held her for what I thought would be the last time.  And then it was time to go.  I stood up, walked across the room, and placed her in her mother’s arms.  Somehow, I turned around and walked away.  My mother, father, and brother held me up on the way back to my room..." Her heart broke. She had to heal and years later healing is still a part of the process.

Other times, children are left in orphanages where they receive less than adequate care and end up with attachment disorders, breaking their hearts and the hearts of the families who adopt them. My friend Terry told me last year, "Only 10% of the orphans in Russia get adopted. The rest live their lives in orphanages until age 16, when they are released. Most then turn to lives of crime, if they survive at all. It's hard knowing that my child suffered hardships most American adults have never even known, and all before she was even 2 years old. It has left its scars. Sometimes I wish she hadn't gone through that."

And others still, adopted through foster care, go through the experience of being taken from their first families. I can't imagine how my own son felt as a baby being taken from the only family he had even known, placed with a different family, then as soon as he had adjusted there being taken out again to come home with us. I can't imagine his heartache there, or that of the people in his first family who did love him. And we also had our hearts broken by not only our son's story but all the stories of those in foster care.

But through this brokenness comes joy. Through the heartache comes life. Family. Forged through paperwork, through tears, through plane trips and nervous hours. In our house we say, "Adoption means forever" and it does.

Not everyone is called to adopt, and that's fine. Support those are are. Encourage them. Take them meals, offer to fold their laundry and be their friend.
But if you are called to adopt and you're just waiting for "the right time" - THIS IS IT! This is the right time. There are 147 MILLION orphans in this world. There are over 105,000 children in the US waiting to be adopted. If each adult in my county and the county next to ours opened their homes to ONE orphan in the US - there would be no orphans left. Seriously. Two counties in South Carolina could eliminate the foster care orphan crisis in the United States. NOW IS THE TIME! Don't wait. Your child might be spending the holidays wondering where Mommy & Daddy are.

In our house, adoption month is every month. It's a part of our world every single day.

We are the face of adoption.

All You Want to Know About Foster Care Paperwork

I know it's not a catchy title today, but it's not really a catchy topic either. It's informative.

Many people look at celebrities or even people they kinda-sorta know who have adopted and think it's a magical process. Signup, wait, bring home baby, end of story. Not quite.

There's a lot of paperwork involved. A lot. When we signed up for our private adoption there were tons of forms to fill out. But the forms to adopt through foster care were probably double that. the Department of Social Services has to make doubly sure that these families are forever since the child has already gone through some form of injustice.

So I thought today I would share with you some of the paperwork involved with adopting via foster care. When we decided to keep our profile open "just in case," we had to re-submit many of our forms. I took pics of them back then with the thought of sharing them with you all.

Here is a list of the papers that need to be filled out. You can see the ones that we did not have to redo (checked) and the ones that needed updating. (you can click the pic to make it bigger)

So even though we didn't have to redo about half of the paperwork, there was still a lot to do... A lot.

Medical forms, background checks, lots of nitty-gritty things. But there are two Big Things in this pile.

First is the openness check list. You tell the good folks at DSS how willing you are to be open with your future child's biological family. You all know our story. We are in a court-ordered open adoption with some of Mac's extended biofamily. We were willing to be open to an extent, but through the court order I think it's more open than we would like (we being Marshall and I, for selfish reasons. We do think this is the best arrangement for Mac, even if it's not for us).

I'm purposely covering our answers in this portion and the next because, well, it's none of your business what we will or will not do or accept. Each family is different.

The second part is The List.
The List is a daunting checklist of what you are willing to accept in a child. Things range from bedwetting to AIDS, from asthma to spina bifida, from sexually abused to starting fires. It's a scary list, I won't lie. The List could make many people turn in panic.
My advice with The List is to prayerfully consider each item. Read it once, have your spouse read it once, then read it together, THEN check things off.
And, be willing to "consider" many things that might scare you off. Remember, an adopted child should be no different than a biological child. Your bio child might have a cleft palate or spina bifida. You would deal with it then, right? Also be aware that many of these things, like spina bifida, asthma, and many other things that might scare you off may be very minor. Be willing to consider them! Crossing them off might mean crossing off the child God has intended for you.
Here is The List for South Carolina...

There's also a last page with incest and product of rape on it. Yeah - scary stuff! But don't let it daunt you. You can choose what you can and cannot handle. We made decisions for or against some things because it's best for our family, or for the safety of our kids or even our pets.

So, there you have it - some of the paperwork involved with foster care adoptions. Please note that these papers are for South Carolina only, your state may vary greatly!

Why I Wanted to Adopt

This is something I get asked a lot. Why I wanted to adopt.

It's both a simple and a complicated answer.

The simple answer is - I always have.
The complex answer is - I always have.

I can recall being a little girl and asking my mother why people kept having babies when there were so many children in the world who needed a home. Why didn't they just adopt those children instead of bringing more into the world. My mom didn't have an answer for that. Who expects their eight-year-old to ask those questions?
Of course, from age five, one of my best friends (still is!) had been a girl who was adopted from India. So I've always been very aware of adoption and felt a calling to it from a young age.

When Marshall and I were dating I knew he was the one for me, but told him point blank that not adopting would be a deal breaker for me. He had to agree to adopt regardless of biological children. He agreed. I don't think he thought a lot about it at that point, but he agreed.
Fast forward to when we were ready for a family. When trying the old fashioned way didn't work and my OBGYN wanted a battery of infertility tests, we began to research adoption agencies. We selected one and went through all the paperwork involved. We waited.

Of course, if you read my story or my testimony, you know I did get pregnant.
But when SB was only a few months old, I knew I wanted to get back into adoption. I saw the signs for Foster Care Adoptions. After wrestling with God over that one for a while, I mentioned it to Marshall and he agreed to go to an informational meeting. We were set - we would adopt through Foster Care.

We only waited two months from approval before we got the call about Mac. We brought him home 2 weeks later (his 3rd Gotcha Day is quickly approaching!). It took 21 months to finalize his adoption. It was the most gut-wrenching experience of my life. It was worse than infertility because I already had the child in my home, worried he would be taken from me.

But he was worth it. When Mac came home it felt right. He was our family.

And now we're waiting to see if God will bless us again with another child. I don't think we feel that our family is complete and we would like to add more children to our family. Of course, our first thought (or at least mine) is always adoption. We were blessed with our short pregnancy earlier this year, and another one would be nice if it happened but we know our chances are slim. Adoption is where I feel called and I think Marshall does too.

So why did we want to adopt? Because we felt called by God to add to our family in that way. Because it was a part of my life from a very young age. Because we have love and room in our hearts to share with children who need a home. Selfishly because I want my arms full. Selflessly because I can't stand the thought of these children going out into the world without a family to come home to or to call when they need it.

If you are an adoptive parent, or are thinking about it, feel free to share your story with us!

Top 10 Reasons...

I'm recycling a post from last year to introduce November, which is National Adoption Month! Enjoy my Top 10 Reasons to Adopt:

1. There are 147 million orphans across the world.
2. Because you really do have room for one more in your house, arms & heart.
3. You really can afford it - regular DSS adoptions are virtually free. You can also apply for grants.
4. Because every child deserves to have a place to call home and a family to call their own.
5. Because your other children really want a baby sister (or brother).
6. Someone you know has been wonderfully blessed by adoption.
7. It's much less painful than birthing a child in terms of physical duress.
8. There's a type of adoption to fit what you are looking for (domestic, international, foster care, waiting child, etc).
9. Kids grow up and need moms & dads to come home to during the holidays and other life events.
10. God calls us all to adopt and even Christ himself was adopted by his earthly father. And God has adopted us all into his family.

I'll add a bonus reason today:

11. Because if I hadn't adopted, I would not have been blessed with my son, without whom I can not imagine life. He has blessed me so much more than I have blessed him.

Respite Care

So adoption is not an option for you. And you don't think you could be a foster parent long-term (I know, the attachment thing is very hard). But how about doing respite care?
Respite is where you take foster kids for a weekend or other short amount of time so that the foster parents can have a small break or if they need to travel and can't take the foster child with them for some reason. A respite care provider keeps the child for a short amount of time, then they return to their foster home.

http://www.co.kern.ca.us/dhs/FosterFamilyResources/sciap.html

Here's an article from the Dayton, Ohio Examiner about respite care:

  Do you have an extra bedroom available and want to do something to help kids?  Believe it or not, foster care and adoption aren't the only options available.  If you would prefer short term stays and want to meet lots of different kids, respite care may be the way to go. 

  So what is respite care?  Put simply, it's just giving parents or foster parents a break for a day or two (although some respite stays may go longer depending on the situation).  Foster parents send their foster kids to respite when they have special plans that aren't child-friendly or when they go on vacation (especially if they go out-of-state since it can be hard to obtain permission to take foster kids with them).  Sometimes regular parents are also allowed to use respite, particularly if they have special needs kids.

  By becoming a respite caregiver you will be helping many children and their families.  There are drawbacks of course, some of these children have major behavioral problems and may steal personal property or become destructive.  You also may be asked to take in deaf, blind or handicapped kids, which can be a major adjustment if you have never dealt with situations like that.  

  However, many respite parents report that the handicapped kids were the ones who taught them the most and opened their eyes to new ways of communication.  For instance, I know a foster parent here in Dayton who took in a deaf 7-year-old child for a two week respite stay.  Although neither he nor his wife knew sign language, they still managed to communicate with the little boy and were amazed at how creative they could get when need be.

  So if you are interested in respite care, how do you get started?  The best place to start would be with your county's social services program or a private foster care agency.  Either of these sources should be able to point you in the right direction.  I will warn you that you will probably still have to take some training classes and have a thorough background check done.  It may seem like a lot of work at first, but if your heart is truly in it, you will be surprised how quickly the process goes. 

CASA

Something I've considered doing in the past is becoming a CASA volunteer. CASA stands for Court Appointed Special Advocate - they are the voice of a child in a courtroom.

Ordinary, every day people, appointed for the safety and well-being of children who have no voice in the court system. 

For those of you who don't feel that being a foster parent is do-able at the moment, consider becoming a CASA volunteer.

Here's a list of what volunteers do:

• Gather information: Review documents and records, interview the children, family members and professionals in their lives.
• Document findings: Provide written reports at court hearings.
• Appear in court: Advocate for the child's best interests and provide testimony when necessary.
• Explain what is going on: Help the child understand the court proceedings.
• "Be the glue": Seek cooperative solutions among individuals and organizations involved in the children's lives. As one volunteer said: Be the glue that connects the pieces in a complicated child welfare system.
• Recommend services: Ensure that the children and their family are receiving appropriate services and advocate for those that are not immediately available. Bring concerns about the child's health, education, mental health, etc. to the appropriate professionals.
• Monitor case plans and court orders: Check to see that plans are being followed and mandated review hearings are being held.
• Keep the court informed:  Update the court on developments with agencies and family members. Ensure that appropriate motions are filed on behalf of the child so the court knows about any changes in the child's situation.

When we adopted Mac, he had a Guardian ad Litem (GAL), which is very similar. Someone who talked to everyone involved and spoke to the judge about what was best for the child. She had no personal stake in the case and wasn't involved other than finding our the best course of action for the children in her files. We loved Mac's GAL. 

GALs and CASA volunteers are very similar positions and when we were first exposed to the people in these positions I thought it was something I could do to help the children in foster care.

I have not signed up yet, I've been waiting for the kids to be in school more so that I can devote more time to such endeavors. I'm hoping that I can sign up this fall, perhaps, when the kids are going to school 5 days a week (even though it's still only 1/2 a day).

This is a terrific way to help the children in foster care without finding extra bed space. Think about it!

National Foster Care Month

As I mentioned before, May is National Foster Care Month. I realize I post these facts every few months... but I think they're worth repeating - and repeating often - as so many children are stuck in a situation they did not ask for. The least we can do is listen and pray for them.

Did you know that 424,000 children - CHILDREN - are in foster care right now (according to fostercaremonth.org)? That averages out to over 8400 per state (if all the states had equal numbers, which they don't).

South Carolina has over 5400 children in foster care (in 2008). The average age was 10.4 years old. Think about a ten-year-old you know, or think back to when you were ten. Can you imagine being ripped from your family, regardless of how bad the situation was, then being given to complete strangers and being left in their care?
Neither can I.

Do you know how many licensed foster homes are in South Carolina? In 2008 the number was 1889. Just under 1900 homes for 5400 children. South Carolina has one of the highest "group home" rates in the country. A "group home" is a PC term for "orphanage."

In SC, the average length of time in foster care is just under 2.5 years. 45% of those 5400 children were reunited with their families. The rest either age out or are adopted (however, only about 9% were adopted).

Speaking of adoption, in 2008 515 children were adopted in South Carolina (you can get info from other states at http://www.hunter.cuny.edu/socwork/nrcfcpp/info_services/fact-sheets.html).

Just to compare -

• In Georgia there are approx. 13500 children in foster care, they average 8.8 years old. There are just under 3500 licensed foster homes for those 13500 children. 
• In 2010, 27300 children were in foster care in Texas. 27,300. The average stay in foster care is 3.5 years and only 29% were reunified with their family. There are just under 9100 foster homes (that's 3 foster children per home, if they're all in a private home). 4800 children were adopted.
• 8750 children were in foster care in Colorado in 2003. They were in 3600 homes. 58% went back to their families. Of those adopted, 58% were adopted by non-relatives and 31% were adopted by relatives.

One of the numbers that gets to me the most is the ratio of children to available homes. Especially in South Carolina. We need more homes!

But I think one of the main bottom lines is this: each year, more than 30,000 children age out of foster care without a family to call their own. Without parents to guide them and without a home to return to. None of which was their fault. Every child deserves a home.

Even if you read this and think, "I'm not cut out to be a foster parent," you can still help. Maybe offer to do respite care (weekends or overnights with foster children). Help a foster family in their day-to-day chores (washing laundry, cooking meals). If you have a local "group home" near you, take over toys, games, food - call and see what they need. And most of all pray for these children to find loving homes or return to a safe home.

If you do think foster care might be in your future, check out www.fostercaremonth.org for more info.

A Picture is Worth 1,000 Words

I'm stealing my friend Christina's post idea. Forgive me, C - imitation is the best form of flattery!

May is National Foster Care Month. Many people I know say time and time again that they could never become a foster parent or adopt through foster care. Someone seems to have spread the rumor that foster children are damaged goods. Yes, children from foster care have had previous hurts, but that does not make them incapable of receiving love.

In fact, I'm a firm believer that a loving family can turn a child around. If you don't believe me, let me share some before and after pictures of my son.

Take a look at these pictures of Mac when we brought him home. Notice the "expression" on his face - or lack thereof:

This was the day we brought him home.

This was a typical look for weeks...no smiles, no sparkle in the eyes.

Even here his smile is guarded and his eyes are blank.

We had to teach Mac to cry and laugh when he came home at 10 months old. He had very little expression. He was just blank. At first we just thought he was a studious little guy, but we later figured out he had no expressions.

Until much later:

Joy

Silly boy - notice how his eyes carry the expression here.

Even here in a little pout you can see how he's just waiting to laugh (which he did).

This child has more expressions that just about anybody else I've ever seen. He gives these little looks that tells you that the wheels are turning in his head. He smiles at the drop of a hat. He also gets very angry and will cross his arms and furrow his brow when things don't go his way. And when he's up to no good his brows rise up and a little smirk comes across his face. It's amazing.

I don't know what Mac's life would have been like without us. Thankfully we'll never know. But I can't imagine if he had never developed a personality. He is so lively. He makes each day an adventure. What if he had never built up that personality at all?

You can make this difference in a child. Even if they're only with you a short time, you could be what teaches that child to smile. You could be what helps that child blossom in what is otherwise a bleak world.

Have you thought about foster care lately?

The Mohawk

If you see us often enough, you know Mac has been rocking the 'hawk since October.

Do you know WHY he's been rocking the 'hawk? Because he's mine.

When we were in the midst of our custody ordeal, praying and wondering daily if we would get to adopt him, I was a little crazy (okay, a lot crazy).
So one day I said, "When his adoption is final, I'm giving him a mohawk." Marshall agreed. He knows better that to try to argue with crazy me.

Why, you may ask? It was my way of branding him. Marking Mac as one of ours. No longer did we have to follow the state's rules (which were not that bad, truth be told, they were really pretty agreeable), no longer did we have to worry about what the bio-relatives he had visitation with think. No longer did we have attorneys who might misconstrue a simple haircut as us being drug addicts or something like that. I just wanted something that outwardly announced Mac as OURS (especially since everyone already knew him by his adoptive name).

So a few weeks after his adoption, we gave him a mohawk. I had just meant it to be a one-time thing, to be cut off at the next hair cut. But it's stuck. He's had that thing since before Halloween.

Over the weekend it was time for a haircut. We ask Mac every time if he wants to keep the 'hawk or cut it off, and every time he wants to keep it. So Marshall really buzzed down the sides (he kept them a little longer before). It's a real mohawk now. My mother-in-law will not be happy.

At church yesterday morning he was the center of attention. He usually garners a good bit of attention as he's very personable and will talk to everyone. But as we walked in every eye turned toward him. People smiled, many said hi. A little old lady knuckle-bumped him. A little old lady! Not to mention the fact that on top of the mohawk he was also rocking a tuxedo tshirt - Loving on Jesus outside the box!

But as we walked, I was thinking, "Rock on. This is MY SON. Nobody but God can take him away from me now."

It's all in the mohawk, baby.

I see visions of his prom in this pic...jeans, tuxedo tshirt and a mohawk. Class clown award, here he comes!

Statistics of Foster Care

This site was shared with me the other day and it just burdened me so much I needed to share it. I try not to be terribly preachy when it comes to fostering and adoption, but sometimes I just need to share.

All this info and an explanation of these stats is available on the website: http://cwoutcomes.acf.hhs.gov/data/overview

In 2009, the year these stats are for, the rate of children going into foster care ranges from 1.1% to 8.6%. That's the percentage of children going into foster care. I can't imagine 8.6% of a state's children winding up in foster care. That's the most depressing thing I've heard in a long time.

In my home state of South Carolina, the rate is 3.4%. So what exactly does that mean?
That means that in 2009, at any given moment, almost 5,000 children were in foster care. Just over 12,700 children had reports of maltreatment filed on their behalf. In South Carolina only 512 children were adopted in 2009. (I'm thankful that Mac will be added to that number for 2010.)

33.7% of children in foster care in South Carolina are 13 or older. That's almost 1685 children. About 30% are under the age of 4. That's how old Sarah Bradley is... That's a little more than 1500 PRESCHOOLERS who are in foster care.

Across the US, the percentage of adoptions of teenagers (13-18 years old) ranges from 5.3% (Washington State) to 18.5% (New Hampshire). South Carolina's percentage is a sad 8%. 
South Carolina boasts the highest rate of children under the age of 12 living in a group home at 19.5% of foster children. Oregon is the winner with only 1% and many states come in well under 10%.

Now, in SC the number of children who EXITED foster care is almost 3700 children. They were either reunited with biological family - a parent or family member - or adopted (remember, in SC only 512 were adopted). Sadly, 3700 children also entered the system in the same amount of time.

In 2009, 1814 children were waiting to be adopted in South Carolina. I think Mac was in on that number.

I'm just so saddened by these facts. What more can I do? I surely can't adopt every one of them. I don't want to know what 1800 children using two bathrooms and sharing two bedrooms would look like. But God knows I would bring them all home if I could.

So I pray. I go through the DSS photolistings and pray for these children to find homes. I talk to our old social worker and pray for her and her coworkers to help these children find families to call their own. There's not much else I can do except pray and spread the word. These kids don't care who you are - just that you love them and accept them and give them a place to call home.

Oh, Lord, please help these children find homes soon...

Ad for Foster Care Adoptions

I just had to share this... I thought it was so funny.

And true - these kids don't care what you do or what you drive or how much you make...they just want someone to love them and a place to call home!

How do you explain it?

Since we first got the letter from the people who are adopting two of Mac's biosiblings a few weeks ago I've struggled with how to explain this.

Mac has no idea he even has other siblings out there. He just turned three - he's never lived with them - he has no idea.
Apparently they know about Mac. His older half-brother apparently ran through the house, waving Mac's picture & yelling, "This is a picture of my little brother {birthname}!" His mom said she had to explain that he was no longer {birthname} but now was called Mac. She said she told him it was a nickname, which is fine. I know it must be hard since they've called him {birthname} his whole life.

But Marshall and I both want Mac to know about his other siblings. We've always said that any adopted child should know their siblings if there are any. But how do we do that?

How do we explain that he has a brother and two sisters out there who do not live with us? How do we explain that their mother gave up on all four of them (not something I plan to explain before he's 12 or so)?
How do I explain that two of them are with one family and another is with an entirely different family? How do I explain that all three of the other children are with biological family (two are with their biofather & stepmother (who is adopting them) and one was adopted by an aunt and uncle), but he is the only one who is not?
How do I explain that they are his siblings and not SB's?

This is something I know I would need to do, but never thought about HOW to do it.
How do I do this?

Happy Gotcha Day

December is my favorite month. I know I've said that before, but it really is.

Earlier this month we celebrated SB's 4th birthday. That day also happened to be the 2nd anniversary of the day we learned about Mac.

And today marks 2 years from the day we brought him home. It's his "Gotcha Day." Most adoptive families celebrate Gotcha Days like a birthday, but since Mac has a birthday, gotcha day and adoption day, I didn't want to over-do it too much (especially since we don't exactly celebrate SB's coming home day or conception day or anything like that!).

But we do want to celebrate it, so we'll do something small and special today for him.

I will never forget following Amanda up to some terribly run-down little trailer that stunk to high heaven (seriously, we had to toss all of his clothes because we could not wash the stench out of them). Inside was a quiet, sad little boy in a walker.
We were told he never cried - we later learned he didn't know HOW to cry.
He had a double ear infection and bronchitis (which cleared and never returned, I think it was because of the smoking in that house).
He didn't smile for weeks.

But he was ours. After an hour at the foster parents' house we left for the DSS office to sign the paperwork. I still carry our pre-adoption paper in my wallet. Then they told us to take him home.

Much like when we brought SB home, we were at a loss as to what to do with him. He was 10 months old, so we knew he had to have things he liked to do - but we knew nothing.

The first year was rough. I will admit it. First I didn't know how to have 2 babies - SB had just turned 2 and Mac was almost 1. Then 3 months later the custody battle began (and dragged on for 18 months!).
Then everything with the allergies started. Mac was tested for everything from celiac disease to Cystic Fibrosis. It was a very scary time for us.

2010 was a much better year with us! We finally found our groove as a family of 4 and got all the food issues down. The adoption was finalized and now we celebrate our sweet boy being home for 2 years.  It's an exciting day for us!

Here are some pictures of Mac over the years:

We were blessed to get a picture of Mac as a newborn... 

Mac the day we brought him home. 12/22/08

Mac last year - this was 12/20/09

Mac in 2010

1 year, 11 months, 3 weeks and 3 days...

...after we brought Mac home we FINALLY have his amended birth certificate.

We went to court almost 3 months ago.

While it's been final all this time, we finally got the birth certificate yesterday in the mail. I cried looking at his entire adoptive name listed with us as the parents.

This was the FINAL step. The last thing we needed. Enclosed with the certificate from the attorney was a letter stating that the case is now CLOSED.

Ahhh. Do you hear that? It's the sound of things being settled down. I am one happy Momma.