Saturday, March 5, 2011

Can you hear me now?

The house is nice and quiet. The dogs are out enjoying the sun. All the dishes are washed and the laundry put away. Even the children are quietly watching Max & Ruby and coloring pictures for their grandparents.

I think I'm going to take advantage of this time to call Michelle. It's been days since I talked to her. And it's true - we don't talk much on the phone now because between the 3 kids yelling, "HI CARLY!" "HI SARAH BRADLEY AND MAC!" via Skype or on the phone, it's just not worth the call - we use FB's chat instead.

So I sneak into my bedroom and call her. She answers, "Hi! How are you!"

Then, the silent alarm goes off. You know the one. I think kids have this little voice built in.
Mom's paying attention to someone other than you. She's taking time for herself! How dare she! You had better go investigate.

I get under the covers and talk as quiet as I can so they don't hear me.
"MOM?!?! Where are you?"
Then the other one starts, "Momma, I need a tissue."
"Mom. Are you playing hide and seek?"
I curl up as small as I can and pray they don't find me while still trying to maintain a conversation.
"Momma, my nose is BLEEDING!"

Well, that gets my attention. I tell Michelle to hang on and rush to the one who claims to have blood pouring from their nose. No blood. Just snot.
"Thing 2, you are not bleeding. It's just a runny nose."
"It's bleeding."
"No, not bleeding, just snotty." I wipe said snot.

I return my attention to my phone conversation.
"Mom, do you wanna play basketball?"
"Can we go outside?"
"Mom, I'm still hungry."

Oh, Michelle. I realize you just won a Nobel Peace Prize for dealing with teenagers in your youth group AND you won the lottery AND your husband miraculously decided to take you on a magical second honeymoon... but I can't talk about it now. I have to go.

My phone is beeping and Motherly Duty is calling on the other line. I have to take it. When Duty calls you have to respond.

All I have to say is - Just wait, kiddos. One day you will be calling someone you really want to talk to. Then I'll start, "Kids! Let's go somewhere. I'm hungry. I'm bleeding." Then we'll see how you like it! MWA-ha-ha-ha

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