Embarrassing Little Darlings

Why is it that kids choose the most inopportune times to do something completely embarrassing for Mom?

As you're introducing them to their preschool teacher that pointer finger goes mining for gold.
While a little old lady is patting them in the store someone farts exceptionally loud and laughs even louder.
While you're telling your pastor what a great sermon her delivered your little love shouts, "Mommy, your butt is HUGE!"

We've all been there. And guaranteed that your preschool teacher, pastor and even the little old lady in the store have all BTDT (Been There, Done That). Of course, that doesn't make it any less embarrassing for you.

So how do you handle those crazy moments when all you want to do is scream and hide (or at least hide your child away)?
Smile and laugh. Everyone knows kids pick their noses. There's some sort of magnetic connection between finger and nose when kids are between 18 months and let's say...puberty. A simple, "Not here, Johnny," while removing the offending hand should do it. Make sure you keep tissues on you for such moments.
And, everyone farts and burps. It's a fact of life, much like the book "Everyone poops," everyone farts (or toots, as we say in our house). Smile politely and be sure your child says "excuse me" and move on.
And when your child says something humiliating, try to just laugh it off. Maybe you do have a big butt (I know I do!). But getting angry will only serve to make you look bad. Laugh it off and try to get out of dodge.

Kids are kids, and they don't "know" proper etiquette. You have to teach them. In the mean time... laugh with them! It will help cool your anger if nothing else!