I Remember My Kindergarten Boyfriend

Do you remember your very first boyfriend/girlfriend? I do.

I was in Kindergarten. His name was Neil. He had auburn hair and freckles. We would always sit near each other in class or at lunch. It was very serious for 5-year-olds.

My son Mac is in Kindy now. And this week is Valentine's. When I suggested the kids make Valentine's for their friends, Mac announced, "I'm going to make one for Jane*! We're going to get married!"

This is news for me. Jane* is a girl in his class. She's an adorable little free spirited girl. I put the picture of his Valentine on facebook and her mother said Jane is very excited about this.

I don't know if either child will remember this when they are grown. But I know I remember the first boy I had a crush on. It meant a lot to me at the time and now the memory is very dear to me. I hope they will always remember the first person who made their heart go pitter-pat.

*Jane is not her real name.


(and - I know I haven't blogged in months. I've been thinking about making a come back.)

Happy Anniversary!

Today we celebrate 9 years of marriage.

It's so hard to believe. Honestly - it's hard to believe it's only been nine years. We've been together 14 years now. And we've known each other 18 years. Have I mentioned that we're only 31 years old?

But I think 9 years is an accomplishment. We're hoping next year to renew our vows - which is so exciting! I can't wait!

Here's a picture 9 years in the making!

Yes to the Dress

I love the show Say Yes to the Dress. It's awesome. I can't imagine having the budget these girls do for a dress. Most of their dress budgets cover my entire wedding budget - and I bought 2 dresses! I can't imagine spending $5,000 on a dress that will only be worn for a few hours. I really hope I can instill this idea in my children before they get married.
I mean - the wedding is great. It's the start of Forever, I get that. But really - the wedding is a day. It's the marriage we should be focused on. Want to spend $5k? Put a down payment on a house or car. Start a college saving plan for your children. Weddings are so temporary!

Marshall's and my anniversary is this week. Nine years! We've been talking about renewing our vows for our 10th, so I'm starting to think about that more. It's time to plan!

I checked into my #1 pick for location. Yeah...over $2,000. I don't think so. Remember what I said above about putting that money to better use? So I'm looking for a place that's free or close to it.

But I'm excited! I can't wait to renew our vows next year. I want to show my children what a committed marriage looks like, what love is like. God centered, respectful, loving. And I think hearing our vows spoken again will aide in that.

So I guess stay tuned in the next year for more on Vow Renewal 2013 news!

Wedding Gifts

A dear friend of ours is getting married next month, so I was looking online at their registries last night. And laughing.

I remember when Marshall and I were getting married. We were 22 years old and had a mixture of everything and nothing. We both had toasters - that were each 10 years old and were faulty. We both had a set of spoons and spatulas from the dollar store that were half-melted. We both had towels from the day our parents had shipped us off to college, completely mismatched and frayed.

So when we were told to point the little scanner gun at anything we wanted - we sure did! Towels, a knife block, a Kitchen-Aid mixer (Thank you, Aunt Patty - I still use it!), even kitchen gadget, every soft towel.

And it seems our friend and his fiance did much the same (except our knife block was like $40, their registered one is $150!).

Some things were awesome - the Kitchen-Aid, the electric can opener (8.5 years later we still use it!), the towels.
But some things were totally useless. The shaved ice maker? Yeah, not really. Great gift, but we never touched it. Same with a few other things.

One thing we didn't even both to register for was "fine china." Really? We live in rural South Carolina. We don't use fine china. When we have guests over, we use Chinet because I don't want to have to wash dishes. Pffft - fine china. I have a friend who received all 8 place settings of very fine china she had registered for. Nine years later she said, "I don't know why we did that. We've never touched used them, and that stupid hutch takes up a ton of room. I would have rather that money gone towards our honeymoon."

Wedding gifts are fun to receive and fun to buy. The best one I ever bought for a couple was a picnic basket filled with cheap plates, cups and wine glasses. Include a bottle of wine and viola! The perfect date night picnic for two - it's fun and intimate.

What was the best wedding gift you ever received? That you ever gave?

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And PS - tomorrow I will be guest blogging over at The Third Boob. Please come check it out and show me some love! Even if you're just curious about a blog called The Third Boob!

Cut Up Your Credit Cards

A long, long time ago, I was a naive 19 year old college student who wanted to go on vacation but had no money for said vacation. So I got a credit card. It was free money, right? Pay over time, right?

That "free" vacation wound up costing me my dignity.

//getting onto soapbox

Because I had to pay it back - plus 18%. I don't remember how much that vacation was, but let's just say $500. I paid an additional $90 for that vacation over the course of a year. More if it took longer to pay off.
Over the years, my credit was increased. And I got an additional Department Store card for "emergencies." But then Department Store upgraded me (to commercial card) and I could then use the card at more locations than just Department Store.
Then we got married and had a baby. Baby things counted as emergencies, right? And the credit card was convenient.
Then the company my husband worked for went bottom up with 2 days notice. He started his own company. We used the credit cards to survive for a few months.

Over the past 12 years, I have gotten completely out of debt once six years ago - about $5,000.
Only to rack it back up again within two years' time.

We have not spent money on those cards in over THREE YEARS. But we are still paying. We have a very nice payment plan set up for the stupid 19 year old me card, that was a primary mode of survival 4 years ago when the company Marshall worked for failed. That is very manageable and everything is going to the principle. That company has worked very hard to work with us, and I am so grateful.

But our other card - the emergency one that then went commercial - did not work with us.

So, I will be completely honest, I stopped paying it. We had Mac's legal bills, household bills, and no money. And all the credit cards were maxed out. So I stopped paying when they wouldn't lower payments or accept a principle-only payment plan.
They got nasty, I got nasty.
Finally, they had a lawyer threaten me. They probably would have spent twice what I owed suing me. And didn't they realize I didn't have the money in the first place? If I didn't have it, I didn't have it.

But suddenly we came into an amount of money that would cover the bill.

I called the attorney in charge of my case, who had send the letter demanding the full payment. I cried - I mean cried - paying that debt.

I called Marshall when it was done and sobbed to him. He asked why I was crying and I said it was because I felt so stupid for falling into the credit card trap in the first place. I felt stupid for not paying anything on it (he reassured me we had nothing to pay and had tried to work something out with them).

And when I hung up the phone I literally went prostate and cried my eyes out. I cried from sadness over parting with the money that could have been used on more useful things for us. I cried from the exhaustion that dealing with a debt causes.
And I cried from relief that finally I could be done with this nasty blemish in my life.

Then, in the midst of my tears, I began praising God. "Thank you, thank you, thank you," I called out. God, through the hand of generosity, had lifted my burden. We still have a roof over our heads, we still have food to eat. We are still going to Disney (why did we not pay this off first? We should have. I admit that.). I walked around the house for 15 minutes with my hands in the air whispering "Thank you," to the Lord.
So grateful!

With credit cards, you pay so much more than the money you initially "borrow." So much more. We paid about 1.5 times that amount (so $500 becomes $750+), and some people wind up paying twice as much! You pay in your emotional well being. You pay in your relationship with your spouse and children. Having debt hang over you eats away at you.

People, cut up your credit cards and pay them off! We are now credit card debt free aside from one card we have an easy payment plan (all going toward the principle) for. I feel such a weight off my shoulders. I don't feel like I have to watch my back anymore.

Credit cards are evil. Pure and simple. And if you can't live off your own income - reduce what you are spending and get rid of the cards!

//off soapbox

For more info about going debt free, we recommend doing Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University Class. It is rough, but well worth it and we are on our way to financial peace and a better life for us and our kids. Our first steps were/are paying off the cards and eliminating excess spending like satellite/cable and the home phone.

How to Live Happily Every After

This weekend I was looking through the Sunday paper when the USA Weekend magazine flopped in front of me. "How to Live Happily Every After" it boasted, with a picture of soon-to-be-wed royals William and Kate on the cover.

http://www.usaweekend.com/

I was intrigued. The "article" was basically little paragraphs of advice from those known best for being happy & lucky in love for life - celebrities. 

I was surprised to see that most people had fairly good advice. I was expecting some really good blogging fodder, but in reality - many of the contributors were right on. Here's a link to the actual story: http://www.usaweekend.com/article/20110211/HOME03/102130314/-1/home03/How-to-live-happily-ever-after.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but Dr. Phil's advice was the best in my opinion:

"A wedding should be fun, but you've got to plan for the day after because that begins your life together. Talk about how you're going to live together: in-laws, kids, geography, religion, sex and division of labor. If you have the same expectations, OK. If not, you've got to negotiate a middle ground."
Phil McGraw, aka Dr. Phil, TV host; married for 34 years

 I also really appreciated Spike Lee and Susan Lucci's advice:

"Don't sweat the small stuff and focus on the positive. And the sooner you learn to say 'Yes, dear,' the better it is."
Spike Lee, film director and co-author with his wife of 17 years, Tonya Lewis Lee, of the children's book Giant Steps to Change the World

"In challenging times, remember the reasons you fell in love and never take them for granted."
Susan Lucci, soap opera star; married 40 years

Can I point out that I'm SHOCKED that Susan Lucci is old enough to be married 40 years? I just discovered she recently turned 64!

Some other advice was good, but maybe not the best. Take Jay Leno's for example.

"If my wife is passionate about something, she can have it. She loves cats and I'm allergic. We've had cats for 30 years, so you sneeze once in a while. It's a small price to pay."
Jay Leno, TV host; married 30 years

 Now, I agree that a cat allergy isn't a reason to break up a marriage, but allowing your spouse something that can cause you harm (some allergies are very dangerous) isn't what it's all about - though it seems to work for the Leno's.

And, the one I thought was the silliest of them all:

"Prince William and Kate Middleton should develop a marriage mission statement, such as 'We're going to have two children, we'll be totally faithful, and we'll make sure our children are raised in an environment of love, respect and synergy.' "
Stephen R. Covey, best-selling author, advice guru and USA WEEKEND contributing editor; married 54 years

 I don't know...it's not that bad of advice, but it just seems a little odd to give your marriage a mission statement the way a business would. Marriage is a covenant, not a contracts. Contracts can be broken - covenants can not!

Anyway...this is the advice of some long-married celebs on how to live Happily Ever After.

So you're my husband!

Marshall and I got to go on a date night. It was heavenly, I don't think we've been on a date night in a few months (since our anniversary). We've just been so busy. But tonight we went out while my most wonderful Mom watched Thing 1 & Thing 2.

We went to eat at Long Horn. I had never been there before, but it was wonderful. We went because I had a $4 off coupon (thanks, Aunt Patty!), so our $48 meal was ONLY $44. LOL. But we had some wonderful food - their ribeyes were perfect - and even better conversation. And really, that's what a date night is all about, isn't it?

After eating we went to Toys "R" Us. Yes, I know, we were kidless and went to the toy store. We played with the toys - both big toys and kid toys. We got Mac's Halloween costume and looked at hand-held games we wanted to get for the kids and ourselves. And we talked more. There are a lot of good adult conversation starters in Toys "R" Us.

Then we went to Denny's next door and had dessert. When one of your children can't have dairy - going for chocolatey cake and ice cream is a real treat because we don't ever get it even as a family. 

All in all it was just a good night. I finally re-met the man who's been living with me all this time. He's my husband!

And I just want to remind those of you with significant others - please take time to be alone with them on occasion. And watching NCIS from opposite ends of the couch doesn't count. It it vitally important for children to see their parents in a loving relationship and for them to see that being romantic is good at any age - even when you're embarrassing the crum out of them!
Having date nights with your spouse is so important to reconnect. As I was reminded when I got married - your children will grow up and leave the house and you will be left with a man you don't recognize sitting across the dinner table from you. It's nice to remeet him every so often and remember WHY you fell in love in the first place.

Heros: Take Six

Today's hero is a little tongue in cheek. Forgive me.

This week marked the start of football season around the country. Men let out a collect sigh that the master ship - in the form of a football - made a landing on their televisions and blinded them to anything else for the next four months.

Women, on the other hand, let out a collective sigh as well that they now won't see their husbands/boyfriends/men without beer in hand, jersey on back and football lingo on their tongues until after a washed up band plays bad music for a crowd of 60,000 of these men.

So today's hero is a collective of the women who are now football widows until after 2011 starts. May you distract your man to look at your and do more than grunt at you this fall. And may your man not notice when you sneak out during the weekend, credit card clutched in hand ready to shop your way into spring.

http://www.cartoonstock.com/directory/s/sports_widows.asp

The Best Decision I Ever Made

I just want to preface this by saying that I'm writing this on July 26th, way before our anniversary. But in light of the events that are coming up with Mac's case, I wanted to write this now when I'm thinking about my loving husband and not "now-when-you-read-this" when I may be thinking of other things (hopefully happy family things).

Marshall and I have been married seven years today. Is that it? Only seven? It sure feels longer. It's felt "longer" then entire marriage. And I don't mean that in a "Oh, God, it's been excruciatingly long and forever" kind of way.

We may have only been married 7 years, but next month we'll celebrate 12 years together. 12 years and we're not even 30 yet. How is that possible? 12 years together and we've known each other... (wait, I need to count) 16 years. That's a heckuva long time.

So we got married 7 years ago today. And I can tell you, 7 years later, that it was the best decision I ever made in my entire life. Best. Decision. Ever. Well, maybe agreeing to date him was the best decision ever, because I wouldn't have married him if he hadn't asked me out 5 years prior. But whatever. He is the best decision ever.

What's that? You want to hear our story? Oh, no, I couldn't. Well, okay, but only the abridged version, I have things to do!

Marshall and I met when we were 13 as freshmen in high school. We both played trombone in the band. His best friend Gary had a mad stalkish crush on me so we all hung out a lot. Marshall was geeky in my world and I, of course, was the best thing since sliced bread so I didn't pay the quiet kid too much attention.
Somehow in the 10th grade Marshall asked me out and I accepted. I liked his band jacket (even though I had a matching one) and stole it often so it was a smooth move as a 14 year old. Then I found out I was his first girlfriend ever and freaked out. That was the end of that and I admit that I was terrible to him (hence why my mother-in-law distrusted me for a long time).
But Marshall and I still hung out and I liked him a lot "as a friend." By the time we graduated, Marshall, Gary and I (along with a few other friends) were all slated to go to Clemson in the fall. Life was good.
Once at Clemson, Marshall showed up at band practice with a goatee, a mustache and about six extra inches and my eyes got all starry and I wondered how I never noticed how cute he was (it was all the facial hair, I swear). About a month after school started our freshmen year of college, Marshall shyly asked me to be his girlfriend, which was all too sweet, and I agreed. I became fast friends with a 'super senior' named Josh who promptly asked me, "Why are you dating him? You already know him. Why don't you date people you don't know?" (He wasn't asking this selfishly, he had a girlfriend whom he married.)
But two weeks after we started dating I knew we would get married.
He said he knew back in the 9th grade.
So we dated through college and got engaged in January 1, 2002 where I laughed at him for 10 minutes before finally saying, "Yes!" (I was excited, I wasn't actually laughing *at* him.)
We (I) planned a wedding, moved the date and scrapped it to start over, and finally got married on August 16, 2003 in Clemson, SC. We each had 6 attendants - all of whom I'm still on talking terms with - and started life together. Because as any sane person knows - The wedding is merely a day, it's the marriage that lasts a lifetime.

So that's the very, very short version of our story.

And to Marshall I say this:
I'm not the perfect wife or mom, and hopefully I don't pretend to be (though you should tell me I am anyway). I make mistakes, but hopefully in our lives together I also make rights. Or is that non-mistakes? Good decisions? Yes...hopefully I make some good decisions. And I promise I'll try harder at not trying to be funny all the time. Try is the key word.
And I know I stress out way too much, but you know how I used to be - you've mellowed me out so much! But Allison is synonymous with stressed out, so please bear with me. Maybe when I turn 50 I will have learned how to handle stress. Maybe not. I'll try not to stress about it too much.
But I love you. I, Stressarella, love you, Laid Back Boy. With all my heart. I am so thankful God brought us together when I least expected it. I do think He sent you to save me and save me you did.
You put up with all my quirky ideas and plans. You have accepted my strange eating habits (see? there was a reason I don't eat cheese!), you have encouraged my lofty career plans (remember you were going to be the stay at home parent while I was Career Girl?), you have allowed me to be me even when I'm challenging you to change who you are and conform to my structured ways. And I'm so glad you resist, because two of me is one too many...plus Sarah Bradley is on that road already.
And speaking of the kids...I am amazed by your ability to love them and discipline them in love daily. You handle the Princess and her OCD ways better than you handle mine. And the fact that you were willing 10 years ago to open your heart to adoption means more to me than anything else you could have ever done. And look and the blessing we received from that. Having Mac and Sarah Bradley as a part of our family only makes me love and appreciate you more, even if I don't show it.
I am in awe daily that you love me as you do. I don't know what else to say but, "Thank you."

I'm going to stop there because I'm crying now and you're going to come out of the kitchen from doing dishes (thank you!) any second and wonder what on earth I'm doing that's making me cry.

Happy Anniversary, Marshall. I look forward to 77 more. XOXO

It's official!

The wedding party...

Still one of my favorite wedding pictures...

Adoption Option

Before my husband and I were married we had The Kid Talk. All serious couples have this discussion.

Will we have kids?
How many?
How long will we wait before having the first?
And how long to wait between children?

Often a couple does not discuss struggles in trying to get pregnant or whether or not they would adopt if they did have struggles (or regardless of struggles).

One of my very best friends was adopted and I can recall being young and wondering why people kept having children when so many were out there in need of a home. Before Marshall and I ever talked marriage I told him I would never consider it unless he agreed to adopt at least one child regardless of biological children. He agreed.

When we did have fertility struggles despite our best efforts, we applied to adopt. Long story short - it was then that God decided I should get pregnant.
Six month after our daughter was born we applied to adopt through DSS. It took almost a year and a half, but we got approved and brought home our son via foster-to-adopt.

If we hadn't had that talk before getting married - would adoption have been a last resort? If we hadn't had fertility struggles, would we have tried to adopt at all? I can tell you right now that I can't imagine life without my son. He's my child, regardless of who gave birth to him. Adoption brought him to us and if we hadn't been willing to follow that path we wouldn't have him and our daughter wouldn't have her brother.

I know adoption isn't for everyone, but if you've ever considered it - pray about it and see where God is leading you. You might find out you're missing a part of your family that only adoption can fill!