Surgery & Faith

A week ago my niece had her second brain surgery in less than 2 years.

Madison has an optic glioma tumor and while it was not cancerous, it was dangerous.

In October 2010, Madison had about 75% of the tumor removed. While scared, she said she knew God would bring her through the surgery - and He did! We were all so relieved.

Then came the word that a second surgery would be needed. There were many tears and prayers over this second surgery. Why did she have to go through this again? She is only 15 years old - wasn't one brain surgery enough?
But again, Madison knew her God would pull her through. She told me on the phone a little before her surgery that she knew God had a purpose for her going through this. She knew God would pull her through so she could give him the glory. And while she did break down in tears sometimes, she has held up and been one of the strongest individuals I know - teen or adult.

So last Thursday she endured another 8 hour surgery that might have taken her eyesight. Friday morning she woke up and could recognize everyone in the room. She could see! And despite a row of staples in her head, she was in great spirits and recovered in amazing time. So amazing, in fact, her surgeon sent her home Sunday.

All I can do is shake my head and say, "Thank you, Lord." I don't know another teenager who would have been so brave. I don't know another adult who would have been so brave. Madison's faith not only kept her positive and led to a quick recovery - but it also showed her non-believing Uncle that God has a hand in every life. He said afterward he could see how God was working in her life.

I have loved Madison from the day she was born. I have prayed for that child for 15 years. And I am so awed and proud of the strong Christian girl she has become. I hope she carries her faith and her testimony everywhere she goes...

So, I guess I should write a Whitney post...

Unless you've been hiding under a rock, you've heard that Whitney Houston died the other day.

Do you know how I found out? Within about 3 seconds, my facebook newsfeed exploded with "OMG! Whitney is dead! I can't believe it!" And people who seemed to be truly mourning over the death of the former pop star.

Except for me.

My thought was, "Wow, I had no idea Whitney was still alive. Bummer about that."

And I seemed to be the only person in the world who felt that way. I have friends who were acting like she was a member of their family. I really think they were crying over this death.

I mean, yes, Whitney Houston was a fabulous singer. Twenty years ago. But I seriously had no idea she was still alive. And really, did she ever do anything that wonderfully fantastic?

This picture kind of sums up my thoughts on the matter:

So - Whitney's death? Yeah, sad for her family. But worth all the hype when people much more worthy of our awe and reverence are dying every day? No. No, sorry.

I'll be the Judge of That

In case you missed it before on my blog, I'm a Christian. (If you missed it - there you go)
And I hope I have adequately conveyed here that I am not a perfect person. I make mistakes - big and small.
So there you have it - imperfect Christian.
Something else I try not to do - judge people based on outward appearance, life choices or anything else. But I know I do, at times, judge people because we're all imperfect humans and that's what we do. Don't deny it, you know you do too.

But I also like to think that I don't base my reactions to people on any prejudice I have on my part. If you live with your non-married partner, if you've had an abortion, if you have any number of non-ear parts pierced, if you home school - I don't care. It will not affect how I feel about YOU as a person or if I choose to add you into my inner circle of friends. I will love you regardless. (and for the record, I don't necessarily find any of those things listed as "bad" in any way, they just aren't my choice, as getting tattoos or vaccinating children might not be yours)
That is how Jesus instructed us to live.

So when someone openly and blatantly judges others I have a hard time with that. And when someone makes those judgements public in front of my children, you better bet I will make my opinion of your actions known. Yes, that means I will judge the judger and I don't want to do that! And if you can't amend your way in front of me and my children, they we may have to excuse ourselves from your presence.

So please, especially if you claim to be a Christian, please do not openly judge people and air your opinions. Especially in front of me and my children. And especially if you know you're passing judgement on me.

It is only up to my God to judge me - don't we have enough issues already without judging one another?

The New Year's Letter

 Two days before Christmas I was washing the dishes and thinking about my loved ones. My family and friends, my husband and my children. I was thinking about Christmas and wondering how I could express my affection to them in a gift that wasn't a gift. Then, an idea came to me.

I would write them a letter. Yes it's cheesy (which I fully am) and sentimental (which I am very much not), but I thought that a personal letter to everyone who means a lot to me would be a great way to tell and show people just how much they mean to me.

I mean, it's one thing for your aunt or best friend or spouse to know what they mean to you. They all know you love them, right? But do they know why? Do they know just how much they mean to you? I think we all along to feel loved and appreciated, and from that this idea was born.

I want to challenge you all to write your own letters to those you love - friends, family, old roommates, professors, mentors - anyone who has made a lasting impact on you whom you have great affections for.

I'm posting this hopefully after everyone has gotten theirs from me. But this is the first portion of my letter, which was the same for all my recipients. Then they got a personalized second portion that delved deeper into each relationship. Don't copy mine word for word if you use this idea, but write your own and let everyone know how you feel now - don't wait. Everyone needs to know they're loved!

Happy New Year 2012!

  You are receiving this letter because you are one of the several people I thought to write to so I could let them know just how much they mean to me. No worries, I’m not ill or dying, nor do I believe you are dying – I simply realized I wanted my loved ones to know just that…that they are loved.

  This letter is for you and only you. And I hope that maybe this will inspire you to write your own letters to those who mean a great deal to you. But please remember that I wrote this with you in mind although you are welcome to share it if you feel the need.

  First I need to tell you that I pray for you. Regularly. If you share a request, need, or bear your soul to me, I pray for you. If not, I pray for you still… for health, for success, for love, for anything that may come to me to pray about. Mostly I pray that you know the love of Jesus Christ as your Savior and that no matter what happens in your life, you can always count on Him.

  I also want you to know that you can count on me. As someone who is special enough in my eyes to receive this letter, I want you to know that I also count you special enough to drop any number of things so I can be there for you however I can. Even if physical distance separates us, I am but an email, phone call, or Skype message away. You matter so much to me that I would do anything in my power to help you and I want you to know that.

  We all go through struggles in life and you have helped me immensely through some of my own, whether you know it or not. And I can only hope that I have in some way provided the same service to you as well.

  You are counted among my greatest treasures – my family and friends. You are part of what is right in this world even when we disagree or haven’t seen each other in what seems to be forever. You have been a blessing to me both in the past and in the present; and I graciously thank God for sending you into my life.

  One of my biggest goals in life is to be a witness to the love that Christ has for all people. Not just Christians, not just those in the church, but all people; and I sincerely pray that you have at least seen glimmers of a Christ-like love in me. If I can help only one person in my lifetime head toward the salvation of God I consider my life well lived.

  As someone who knows me, you know what a heart I have for children, adoption and orphans. And it has been with your encouragement that I have been able to pursue, voice, and act upon these passions. And I must extend heartfelt thanks for everything you have done for me and my family in terms of prayer, support and being a listening ear.

  When I think of you, please know that a smile comes to my face and wonderful memories fill my head and you will always be a part of my family, regardless of where this crazy and chaotic life takes us.

  Please know, through this all-too-brief letter, that you hold a special place in my heart and I love you dearly.

 So this is my letter. Sent to a few select people who have meant the most to me over the years. Do your loved ones know how much you love them? What can you do in 2012 to show them just how much they mean to you?

Cut Up Your Credit Cards

A long, long time ago, I was a naive 19 year old college student who wanted to go on vacation but had no money for said vacation. So I got a credit card. It was free money, right? Pay over time, right?

That "free" vacation wound up costing me my dignity.

//getting onto soapbox

Because I had to pay it back - plus 18%. I don't remember how much that vacation was, but let's just say $500. I paid an additional $90 for that vacation over the course of a year. More if it took longer to pay off.
Over the years, my credit was increased. And I got an additional Department Store card for "emergencies." But then Department Store upgraded me (to commercial card) and I could then use the card at more locations than just Department Store.
Then we got married and had a baby. Baby things counted as emergencies, right? And the credit card was convenient.
Then the company my husband worked for went bottom up with 2 days notice. He started his own company. We used the credit cards to survive for a few months.

Over the past 12 years, I have gotten completely out of debt once six years ago - about $5,000.
Only to rack it back up again within two years' time.

We have not spent money on those cards in over THREE YEARS. But we are still paying. We have a very nice payment plan set up for the stupid 19 year old me card, that was a primary mode of survival 4 years ago when the company Marshall worked for failed. That is very manageable and everything is going to the principle. That company has worked very hard to work with us, and I am so grateful.

But our other card - the emergency one that then went commercial - did not work with us.

So, I will be completely honest, I stopped paying it. We had Mac's legal bills, household bills, and no money. And all the credit cards were maxed out. So I stopped paying when they wouldn't lower payments or accept a principle-only payment plan.
They got nasty, I got nasty.
Finally, they had a lawyer threaten me. They probably would have spent twice what I owed suing me. And didn't they realize I didn't have the money in the first place? If I didn't have it, I didn't have it.

But suddenly we came into an amount of money that would cover the bill.

I called the attorney in charge of my case, who had send the letter demanding the full payment. I cried - I mean cried - paying that debt.

I called Marshall when it was done and sobbed to him. He asked why I was crying and I said it was because I felt so stupid for falling into the credit card trap in the first place. I felt stupid for not paying anything on it (he reassured me we had nothing to pay and had tried to work something out with them).

And when I hung up the phone I literally went prostate and cried my eyes out. I cried from sadness over parting with the money that could have been used on more useful things for us. I cried from the exhaustion that dealing with a debt causes.
And I cried from relief that finally I could be done with this nasty blemish in my life.

Then, in the midst of my tears, I began praising God. "Thank you, thank you, thank you," I called out. God, through the hand of generosity, had lifted my burden. We still have a roof over our heads, we still have food to eat. We are still going to Disney (why did we not pay this off first? We should have. I admit that.). I walked around the house for 15 minutes with my hands in the air whispering "Thank you," to the Lord.
So grateful!

With credit cards, you pay so much more than the money you initially "borrow." So much more. We paid about 1.5 times that amount (so $500 becomes $750+), and some people wind up paying twice as much! You pay in your emotional well being. You pay in your relationship with your spouse and children. Having debt hang over you eats away at you.

People, cut up your credit cards and pay them off! We are now credit card debt free aside from one card we have an easy payment plan (all going toward the principle) for. I feel such a weight off my shoulders. I don't feel like I have to watch my back anymore.

Credit cards are evil. Pure and simple. And if you can't live off your own income - reduce what you are spending and get rid of the cards!

//off soapbox

For more info about going debt free, we recommend doing Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University Class. It is rough, but well worth it and we are on our way to financial peace and a better life for us and our kids. Our first steps were/are paying off the cards and eliminating excess spending like satellite/cable and the home phone.

I am a Hypocritical Christian

Disclaimer: I am posting this particular post for a future date, as I don't want anyone to think I'm speaking about a situation with them in particular and I don't want anyone looking at the date this is published and think they have any idea what I'm talking about. Also, this is a general topic, but given the nature I wanted to make doubly sure nobody thought I was hypocritical to them.

I am a hypocritical Christian.

Technically, we all are. We're all sinners, preaching the "Do as I say, not as I do" theology. But we, as Christ-followers, should be doing our best to reflect the love of Jesus onto everyone we meet. And recently, I have completely failed at this.

I was, sometime in the past from when you read this, presented with an opportunity to do something that sounded like fun. Sounded like fun, but I knew it was wrong for me to do. But I thought about it anyway. I was completely giving in to the ideas of, "I deserve a little fun," and "Nobody has to know this one time." Listen, folks, I'm not talking hard drugs or anything, don't worry. Just something I knew I should not partake of, regardless of the "fun in the now" factor.

I thought about it. A lot. I asked a few trusted people about it. They all said to R-U-N in the other direction. But it was sooooo...tempting.

But the Bible says, "The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure." (1 Cor. 10:13)

I knew, when faced with this situation, that God could bring me out of it. I knew it. I knew this verse. This is the verse that inspired the addage, "If God brings you to it, He'll bring you through it." And as cliche as that is, it's true. You can, hard as it may be, turn from any temptation and walk away. You can. I promise you, I know.

When faced with my temptation (stop trying to guess. I'm def not talking about food here.) - and I do mean faced - I stood my ground. THIS IS NOT A GOOD IDEA. I even related that yes, I was sorely tempted. I thought partaking of said temptation would be fun, but I knew it was a bad idea. And I walked away.

Go me, right? I was pretty thrilled with my Christian self. Until I realized that I had totally played along until the last minute. I made myself and every other so-called Christian out there look like a complete hypocrite.
I could imagine those I walked away from saying, "You know, Allison said she's a Christian, but she was willing to give in until that last minute. I knew all Christians were hypocrites!"

GASP! I ruined Christianity for someone! NOOO! I want to go back and say, "Listen, I am not perfect. I am a Christ-follower but I am not perfect. Only Christ was perfect, I still sin away. I pray for forgiveness, I ask for salvation and to keep from doing a sin again! You can do that, too! You can turn away from whatever sin is in your life and make it right with God."

I did not say that. I missed a chance for a hypocritical Christian like me to witness to people who needed to hear it and maybe let them see that I am in no way perfect and Jesus loves me anyway and He loves them, too!

Someone who is aware of the situation said I may not have talked about the Love of Christ, but I showed it by standing my ground. The people, she explained to me, know I am a Christian and know that in the end, I chose God over the temptation.

I still feel hypocritical.

So if you're out there, person or people who might think all Christians are just zealous hypocrites, please know that we're all sinners - just like you. None perfect, not by a long shot. And we're tempted, just like you. And yes, sometimes we utterly fail and give in. (And God will forgive us over and over, thankfully.) And hopefully, most of the time, we can stand our ground and say, "My Jesus loves me more than that, and He loves you, too."

Romans 5:8-9 says, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him!"

Have you ever felt like a hypocritical Christian?
Or if you're not a Christian, do you think we're all hypocrites?

All You Want to Know About Foster Care Paperwork

I know it's not a catchy title today, but it's not really a catchy topic either. It's informative.

Many people look at celebrities or even people they kinda-sorta know who have adopted and think it's a magical process. Signup, wait, bring home baby, end of story. Not quite.

There's a lot of paperwork involved. A lot. When we signed up for our private adoption there were tons of forms to fill out. But the forms to adopt through foster care were probably double that. the Department of Social Services has to make doubly sure that these families are forever since the child has already gone through some form of injustice.

So I thought today I would share with you some of the paperwork involved with adopting via foster care. When we decided to keep our profile open "just in case," we had to re-submit many of our forms. I took pics of them back then with the thought of sharing them with you all.

Here is a list of the papers that need to be filled out. You can see the ones that we did not have to redo (checked) and the ones that needed updating. (you can click the pic to make it bigger)

So even though we didn't have to redo about half of the paperwork, there was still a lot to do... A lot.

Medical forms, background checks, lots of nitty-gritty things. But there are two Big Things in this pile.

First is the openness check list. You tell the good folks at DSS how willing you are to be open with your future child's biological family. You all know our story. We are in a court-ordered open adoption with some of Mac's extended biofamily. We were willing to be open to an extent, but through the court order I think it's more open than we would like (we being Marshall and I, for selfish reasons. We do think this is the best arrangement for Mac, even if it's not for us).

I'm purposely covering our answers in this portion and the next because, well, it's none of your business what we will or will not do or accept. Each family is different.

The second part is The List.
The List is a daunting checklist of what you are willing to accept in a child. Things range from bedwetting to AIDS, from asthma to spina bifida, from sexually abused to starting fires. It's a scary list, I won't lie. The List could make many people turn in panic.
My advice with The List is to prayerfully consider each item. Read it once, have your spouse read it once, then read it together, THEN check things off.
And, be willing to "consider" many things that might scare you off. Remember, an adopted child should be no different than a biological child. Your bio child might have a cleft palate or spina bifida. You would deal with it then, right? Also be aware that many of these things, like spina bifida, asthma, and many other things that might scare you off may be very minor. Be willing to consider them! Crossing them off might mean crossing off the child God has intended for you.
Here is The List for South Carolina...

There's also a last page with incest and product of rape on it. Yeah - scary stuff! But don't let it daunt you. You can choose what you can and cannot handle. We made decisions for or against some things because it's best for our family, or for the safety of our kids or even our pets.

So, there you have it - some of the paperwork involved with foster care adoptions. Please note that these papers are for South Carolina only, your state may vary greatly!

Remembering Today

Today is Infant and Pregnancy Loss Remembrance Day. Around the world, women and couples are lighting candles to remember the children they lost too soon.

This day is especially hard for me this year, as if my pregnancy had progressed, I would be preparing to give birth in one or two weeks. Instead, our little one was carried Home where he will never know the joys or pains of this world.

I have two heaven-bound children that I know of. Maggie Joy would be over 5 now if she were with us, and Tobin would be preparing to make his entrance.

Chances are, if you have not dealt with miscarriage yourself, you know someone who has. According to http://blightedovum.kokopuff.net/facts.html, anywhere from 25-50% of pregnancies end in miscarriage - many occurring before the mother even knew she was pregnant. 20% of women who have one miscarriage will endure a second one. Chromosomal abnormalities are the most common reason for miscarriage - this is what happened with Tobin.

If you have lost a child, my heart goes out to you. We will never understand why God called them home so soon, but one day we will embrace them fully as they escort us to meet our Heavenly Father and they will say, "Look, Mommy, Jesus and I have been waiting for you! Welcome home!"

Facts about Pregnancy and Infant Loss

Tomorrow is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, and I wanted share a few Myths about this taboo form of loss... You can read it all at I Am The Face.


One out of every four women will experience the loss of a baby at some point in their lives. That’s right–25%! Pregnancy/infant loss is an issue that while very common, is rarely talked about. Because it’s become such a “hush-hush” and taboo topic, those who experience it are often left to grieve in silence, alone.
It’s time for things to change.
It’s time to open up the conversation, to get the dialogue started. It’s time for survivors (yes, we are all survivors!) to come together, raise our voices, and reach out to the others who are out there, thinking they are alone.
The first step in breaking the silence is often shattering stereotypes. Below are some myths and facts about pregnancy/infant loss:

Myth: Losing a baby is very uncommon; it won’t happen to me or someone I know.
Truth:

• 25-50% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage (pregnancy.org).
• Stillbirths (the death of a baby after 20 weeks gestation) occur in one in every 160 pregnancies–about 60 stillborn babies every single day (March of Dimes).
• Each year, in the US alone, about 20,000 babies die in their first month of life, many after being born prematurely (March of Dimes).
• SIDS is the leading cause of death among infants ages 1 month to 1 year.

Myth: Pregnancy/infant loss is something that happens to older moms, overweight moms, or moms with health issues.
Truth: “Baby loss” does not discriminate. Often, it’s young, perfectly healthy women who experience the loss of a baby. Click here to read real-life stories of loss, and you’ll see the faces of ALL kinds of women–young, old, black, white, thin, obese–pregnancy/infant loss can strike anyone.

Myth: Miscarriages and Stillbirths are usually caused by a lack of prenatal care or something else the mother did during her pregnancy.
Truth:

• Almost 100% of miscarriages could not have been prevented, with the majority being caused by chromosomal abnormalities.
• 25% of Stillbirths are caused by placental problems; 15% are caused by an infection; 2-4% are caused by umbilical cord problems, and 50% have no known cause of death whatsoever. While there are risk factors to be aware of (smoking, for instance), the overwhelming majority of stillbirths are completely out of the mother’s control.

Myth: A woman who has just lost a baby wants to forget it ever happened and move on with her life.
Truth: While this may be true for some, many are dying to talk about the child they lost, especially if it was a late-term pregnancy loss or infant loss. The chance to talk freely about their baby(ies), without feeling like they are making everyone uncomfortable, is something many, many women who have lost a baby wish for.

I tried to hard to cover my first loss. And with the second, I've been so much more open and it is healing.
I am the face of pregnancy loss...

Why?

Today's post will be depressing. Just to prepare you.

I want to ask God why? WHY? I know we all have things we want to ask God why about when we get to heaven. I wonder if we will remember those things when the rejoicing is done and we finally have a quiet moment with our Lord to have a chat. I'm sure we'll all sit down with Him and have a little chat, don't you think? I hope so. There's so much I want to know. And I know that when we get to heaven, it won't matter anymore, but I still want some answers.

And today's questions are biggies.

Long story short, over the weekend Marshall and his father pulled a drowning teen from the ocean. She lived in the hospital for 3 days and passed away yesterday. Her name is Savannah and she passed away at 18 years old. Even though we never met this girl, even though we never met her parents, this girl has affected our family possibly forever. When I heard she had passed I cried and I wasn't even on the beach to see what was going on. But I found her facebook page and saw a picture of her, and she was gorgeous.
WHY, Lord, did you take her so young? Had she finished her work here already? What about her parents? What about her little siblings? What about her friends? Why is ripping this young life from them the right thing? Why are her father and best friend living with the nightmare of knowing they had to save themselves or risk going under with her? Why are Marshall and his father living with knowing all they risked only for her to die?
My family members agreed - at least Savannah's family had 3 extra days with her to say goodbye, to prepare themselves, to start grieving. If nobody had done anything she would have been swept out into the ocean, gone forever. At least they have a chance for closure. But it's hard to see the blessing in that when a vibrant light is snuffed out.

And secondly, I am mourning myself this week. I should be about a month away from giving birth to my sweet baby. Wondering last minute if it's a boy or a girl. Thinking if we chose the right names, praying for a little life about to enter the world. And instead I sit here with an empty womb and a hole in my heart. I know only God can fill that space and ease the ache in my arms. But I miss my baby. October will be a bad month for me, I will tell you know. I should be having a Halloween baby, making the kids upset from not getting to go out or something. But they will never know the heartache Halloween will give me from now on.
WHY, Lord, was Tobin (and Maggie Joy before him) not given a chance here on earth? Why won't I hold him in my arms? Why were we given hope only to have it taken away? So we would lean on you more? Surely there was another way? I guess this was the most effective way, but it stings.
It stings that I see pregnancy announcements all over the internet, and that these women are complaining about their sickness and swollenness when I would give my left arm for the privilege if it meant having my children back with me.

Today I ask a lot of WHYs. Today I am mourning for the family who loved and cherished their daughter for 18 preciously short years to have her gone in an instant. And I mourn for the children I long to hold in heaven.

I don't understand, Lord! Will you please explain it to me when I get there?

Remembering

Ten years ago today I was a carefree college student, on my way to class, when the news broke. Life changed, didn't it?

So much has happened for this country and for me in 10 years. I'm sure it's drastically different for you, too.

God bless you this Remembrance Day.

100 People

If we could reduce the world's population to a village of precisely 100 people, with all existing human ratios remaining the same, the demographics would look something like this:

The village would have 60 Asians, 14 Africans, 12 Europeans, 8 Latin Americans, 5 from the USA and Canada, and 1 from the South Pacific

51 would be male, 49 would be female
82 would be non-white; 18 white
67 would be non-Christian; 33 would be Christian
80 would live in substandard housing
67 would be unable to read
50 would be malnourished and 1 dying of starvation
33 would be without access to a safe water supply
39 would lack access to improved sanitation
24 would not have any electricity (And of the 76 that do have electricity, most would only use it for light at night.)
7 people would have access to the Internet
1 would have a college education
1 would have HIV
2 would be near birth; 1 near death
5 would control 32% of the entire world's wealth; all 5 would be US citizens
33 would be receiving --and attempting to live on-- only 3% of the income of "the village"

http://www.familycare.org/special-interest/if-the-world-were-a-village-of-100-people/#.TiLN3Oc_iDk.facebook 


These demographics are surprising aren't they? For those of us who live in the US, it's surprising - I know it was for me. Especially that about 1/3 of the world's wealth is concentrated in the US. 5 people in the USA (and Canada)...5 Americans control that wealth. Not 1 or 2... all 5. Amazing. 
33 people - obviously NOT the Americans - live on only 3% of the income. In America MY family is probably considered lower-middle class. Well, in the economy, maybe middle-middle, but we are struggling along with a lot of people. But we still have our house. We still have electricity and we still have internet and cell phones. We can't be doing that bad, right?

It baffles me that One Quarter of the people not only don't have internet, the don't even have electricity! Only 7 have internet? This vast mode of communication - this massive mode of business and commerce and world events - only 7% of people have it? That's unreal!

Something that does not surprise me is the racial demographics. I think a lot of white people in America don't realize that WE are the world minority. I live in The South where racial tensions are still high. I saw a guy the other day with "white pride" tattooed across the back of his neck. I was grossed out and embarrassed to be in line behind him. I was very glad my children could not read the scrawl. I really wanted to tap this guy on the shoulder and tell him, "Look, white people are the minority. Most of the food we eat, clothes we wear and items we use are 'non-white' in invention and production. And, Big Guy, in case you didn't know it - Jesus was NOT WHITE." 
Some people are just clueless. 

So what's the point? For me the point is to realize that my problems are "First World" problems - a faulty cell phone, paying $6 more for NetFlix a month, choosing from the dozen shirts and bottoms I have to create the "right" outfit. I even get to choose which church I want to go to. First World problems. I don't wonder where my next meal from come from. I don't worry that my door will be broken down and we'll be attacked for our station, heritage, or religion.  

What can we do? Share our wealth. Minister to others. Realize that even if we have a bad job and don't make a ton of money, we're still doing better than half of the rest of the world who are at risk of dying of starvation. We can still read, we have running water and electricity. 

I wish I had a magical solution to some of these problems (clean water, food, electricity, etc). I wish I had even a simple, small, non-magical solution. Right now all I seem to be able to do is share about it - raise awareness. Maybe one of you out there will have the solution to some of these problems in your grasp. 

The Death of a Pet

We has to put our cat down this weekend. It was a vary hard decision, but while she had improved some, she went into a rapid decline and Friday night Marshall and I decided we had done all we could do and Luna seemed to be in pain, so it was time for her to go. She was just over 2 years old. I spent a good while the night before holding her and loving her. I begged God to please let us wake up to her walking and playing, but that did not happen. She was very bad off when we woke up Saturday morning.

This is Luna in January.

We told SB & Mac that Luna was going to the vet and probably not coming back. We told them to say goodbye to her and they waved and gave her a pat and were ready to go. In the car SB asked if we would pick Luna up in a few days. I had to explain that no we weren't...I wasn't ready for details in the car that would make me cry, so I left it at that.

I took the kids to run errands this morning while Marshall took Luna to the vet to be put to sleep. He called when it was done, crying, saying it was over and he was on his way home with her remains. (Can I interject that I love that he cried. He was not overly happy when we added Luna to the family, but he is a very wonderful daddy and husband who knows how we will miss her and will miss her himself.)

The kids and I met him at home and I told the kids that Luna had been very sick and the only way to heal her was for her to die and go be with Jesus in heaven. We buried her body and I said a quick prayer.

The kids wanted to know if we could get a new cat. Hm...not the reaction I had anticipated.
But inside SB asked why, if God took Luna, we still had her body to bury. I tried explaining that our bodies - even a kitty's body - is too heavy to go to heaven so the body stays here for us to bury and the soul (which I explained as what makes your personality) goes to heaven to be with Jesus. I told her that once we get to heaven we get brand new bodies that will never hurt or break.

I don't think she really understood - she asked when we would unbury Luna. I told her we wouldn't, she was dead and we couldn't get her back and her body would stay in the ground but reiterated that her soul went to heaven.

Mac I don't think got any of it at all, but that's okay.

Marshall and I cried - the kids did not. But I think it will be a while before the grasp the concept of death. I guess I'm glad they have the chance to experience it now with a pet before it happens to a person we know.

And as for pet heaven...I don't know if it exists. I do think that animals have souls, and I think all souls go to heaven, so I do think there is a special place for animal souls. I know not everyone believes that and that's fine.

It was a hard day. I'm so sad and I miss Luna a lot. But I know her pain is now gone and it was the best thing for her.

Luna last week

Why is this still an issue?

I don't get it. Every day from April through October in the US millions of people lay out in the sun with one goal: Get a tan.
And year-round even more people lay in artificial beds of light and try to achieve the same thing.

Why? When did this become the social norm? Did you know that back in the "olden days" having a tan was a serious fashion faux pas? On Caucasian people browned skin meant you had to toil and work outside all day. It meant you were poor and did not have slaves/servants/hired hands to do the dirty work.

But then office work and indoor work became the norm and going outside to get a tan became desirable - it meant you had money because you could waste all day sitting outside doing nothing.

Today, however, we all know the risks with being a beach bunny, a sun-worshipper or a bed-tanner. Cancer.
According to the American Academy of Dermatology, 32% of white girls between the ages of 14 and 22 used a tanning bed (14 year olds??? Seriously?). 81% of the same age range laid outside to achieve "color."
Indoor tanning can increase a person's risk of getting melanoma by 75%. The rate of girls in this age group is among the fastest of people getting melanoma - the deadliest and scariest of skin cancers. About 48,000 deaths occur annually from melanoma.

So why are we still trying so hard to achieve the darkest skin possible? Last time I checked, bacon was tasty but not too pretty.

I mean seriously... who thinks this looks good??? Obviously not the little boy pictured. This is what years and year of tanning will do to someone.

Not convinced?

Isn't she gross? Trim, yes, but her skin is disgusting.

Why would you want to do that to yourself? I just don't see how this is in any way attractive. And yes, I realize I am showing pictures of older ladies, but you know what...

That ain't pretty either. Not pretty at all.

So what about me, personally? I couldn't ever achieve a tan until a year or two ago - I actually had a dermatologist tell me not to be afraid of the sun, that some was okay in small amounts with proper protection (hat, sunscreen, etc). It does provide vitamins to the body.
I do have a slight tan this year. it fades quickly and I always wear SPF 50 or 70 (I keep 50 in the car in case I forget it, but I try to keep with 70). My children wear 70.

I don't want a stupid decision I make for the sake of vanity to give me cancer that could possibly kill me. I know people out there know this, but I wonder how many will actually take note and STOP purposefully tanning and ruining their skin and possibly even their future.

For more info on tanning and skin cancer:
http://www.skincancer.org/quick-facts-about-teen-tanning.html
http://www.aad.org/media-resources/stats-and-facts/prevention-and-care/indoor-tanning

Having a God Moment

Yesterday I had a total God moment.

I had gone to the store with the kids and as we were leaving we passed a lady holding a "will work for food sign." SB asked what the sign said and I told her. She asked what that meant. I told her and explained that the woman needed help feeding her family. I was so convicted...Here I was, leaving the store so I started thinking of what I could give her - eggs? cheese? 

Then I recalled the walmart card I had - it has been a gift from the ladies in my Bible study class. I had about $50 left on it so I pulled over and handed it to her.

When I told her it had $50 on it she was shocked. She asked me to repeat myself and when she asked it sounded like she was deaf. She wrote out 5-0 with her hand and her voice was like a deaf person's.

I pulled away with the woman's jaw on the floor and I just burst into tears. The kids were so confused why it made me sad! I had to explain that I was so very happy and that it made God happy, which was why I was crying. Crying is one of my more unusual "gifts" of the Spirit!

Please believe me - I'm not tooting my own horn at all...but it was just such an experience from God. With the kids assistance, I felt the nudging to help. People talk about being Jesus with skin on, but ACTING that way is few and far between I think. What better way to show the love of Christ to this woman in need than by providing the way God instructs us?

And this was such a chance to teach the kids...we spent about $50 on the groceries, so I explained that with that card the woman could buy everything we had just gotten. She could feed her family for a week or better. I told them that God calls us to help those who need it.

I almost drove right past her. I almost missed the chance to show Jesus to another person. I almost missed the chance to show my children what Jesus would have done in that situation.

I wish I had a stack of $50 walmart cards to give out! Maybe one day...that would be awesome!

The point is not how much I gave her, or what I gave her...but that I was obedient to God. That is the point here.

God bless you in your mission today - be it far from home or in your own back yard!

Statistics of Foster Care

This site was shared with me the other day and it just burdened me so much I needed to share it. I try not to be terribly preachy when it comes to fostering and adoption, but sometimes I just need to share.

All this info and an explanation of these stats is available on the website: http://cwoutcomes.acf.hhs.gov/data/overview

In 2009, the year these stats are for, the rate of children going into foster care ranges from 1.1% to 8.6%. That's the percentage of children going into foster care. I can't imagine 8.6% of a state's children winding up in foster care. That's the most depressing thing I've heard in a long time.

In my home state of South Carolina, the rate is 3.4%. So what exactly does that mean?
That means that in 2009, at any given moment, almost 5,000 children were in foster care. Just over 12,700 children had reports of maltreatment filed on their behalf. In South Carolina only 512 children were adopted in 2009. (I'm thankful that Mac will be added to that number for 2010.)

33.7% of children in foster care in South Carolina are 13 or older. That's almost 1685 children. About 30% are under the age of 4. That's how old Sarah Bradley is... That's a little more than 1500 PRESCHOOLERS who are in foster care.

Across the US, the percentage of adoptions of teenagers (13-18 years old) ranges from 5.3% (Washington State) to 18.5% (New Hampshire). South Carolina's percentage is a sad 8%. 
South Carolina boasts the highest rate of children under the age of 12 living in a group home at 19.5% of foster children. Oregon is the winner with only 1% and many states come in well under 10%.

Now, in SC the number of children who EXITED foster care is almost 3700 children. They were either reunited with biological family - a parent or family member - or adopted (remember, in SC only 512 were adopted). Sadly, 3700 children also entered the system in the same amount of time.

In 2009, 1814 children were waiting to be adopted in South Carolina. I think Mac was in on that number.

I'm just so saddened by these facts. What more can I do? I surely can't adopt every one of them. I don't want to know what 1800 children using two bathrooms and sharing two bedrooms would look like. But God knows I would bring them all home if I could.

So I pray. I go through the DSS photolistings and pray for these children to find homes. I talk to our old social worker and pray for her and her coworkers to help these children find families to call their own. There's not much else I can do except pray and spread the word. These kids don't care who you are - just that you love them and accept them and give them a place to call home.

Oh, Lord, please help these children find homes soon...

I Still Miss Her

Six years ago today Katie died. She was 24.

Even typing that makes me cry. I miss her that much. You would think that over six years the pain would be less, but it's not. I still remember getting that call. I was having dinner after my own grandfather's funeral when one of my friends called to get my reaction, not knowing I hadn't heard yet. I was devastated. I don't remember anything else that night until we got back to where we were staying - incidentally enough we we staying with Lauren, another of Katie's good college friends.

If you were not blessed to know Katie, I'll tell you just a little about Katie in my life.
We met our freshman year of college at Clemson. We were both in the band, but I didn't know her until we both auditioned for drum major...neither of us made it. Then we both joined the band fraternity Kappa Kappa Psi. She was one of my best friends from then on.
Our junior year we were roommates along with our dear Ellie. We were Ellie, Alli & Katie - a trio, a set.

We were all so different. I was the flighty romantic one. Ellie was the individualist & skeptic and Katie was the brain. I distinctly recall her being the skinniest of the three of us and taping a picture of herself in a bikini to the fridge as "inspiration" for Ellie and I. If I hadn't loved her so much I would have been offended, but it was funny.

Katie was so smart - she studied biosystems engineering. I don't even know what that is. Seriously... But she went on to get a masters in Environmental Engineering from Rice University. She passed away not quite a year later. She was quick to laugh and we loved joking around. We loved going to movies.
If you needed anything Katie was there. She was loyal, friendly and quick to lend a hand. She was also very honest - something I appreciated and probably how we were the most alike. She did not hesitate to tell you how she felt or how things really were and that was something I appreciated.

Katie had leukemia. I don't know why God chose this for her, but I don't question it. She seemed to have accepted it at the time. The last time I talked to her she was improving. In fact - I have every email she sent to me while she was sick still saved in my inbox. Her email address is still in my address book. It's something small I just can't seem to let go of and that's okay by me.

I just don't know what else to say. I miss her. I know many of you out there miss her, too. I'm just going to share some pictures and be done for today.
 

Me with Katie and Ellie in our apartment 2000

The Clemson representatives at Katie's memorial in OH

 RIP Katie. I miss you daily.

PS - for those of you who don't know, SB's middle name is Ellen, as it was Katie's middle name as well.

This Post Will Make You Uncomfortable

Don't say I didn't warn you.

As you know I have a heart for adoption. There are so many countries around the world riddled with orphans it isn't even funny. And not only young children in need, but entire families, women and men...

Part of what the Bible calls us to do is reach out to those in need.

"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you. And you will be my witnesses, telling people about me everywhere--in Jerusalem, throughout Judea, in Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."  - Acts 1:8

Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows. - Isaiah 1:17

How comfortable are you in your skin? In your daily life? Are you lost without your phone, your computer, your car?

We are way too comfortable with our lives. We have become complacent. We live in a world of Big Mac's and fast service.

Do I have an answer for this? Oh, I wish I did. I wish I had a solution. The only thing I can do is raise awareness and help where I can. We do our best to support and donate to causes we believe in...foster care, crisis pregnancy centers and the like.

So, until I have a solution, indulge me. Look at the pictures below from http://amazima.org/ and Katie's blog http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/. Katie runs a non-profit in Uganda helping orphans receive adequate schooling, food and medical help.
Check out her site and donate if you can and pray for them regardless!

(All pictures from from her blog mentioned above.)

To date, Katie has taken 14 girls into her home.

 

She helps malnourished children gain weight and survive in a world where many don't.

Katie's Blog says,

"They are real people. They are my friends. They are God's children.

Please pray specifically for Nabakoza as she may be nearing the end of her life. At 23, she weighs just 37 pounds (not typos.) She has been severely neglected all her life."

This woman, whom I have never met, is one of the biggest examples of Christ on earth that I have ever seen. I am in tears over how to help.

We don't have money. We don't have much in the way of resources to send to Uganda that I know of. But I pray for the people ministering there. I pray for the people there being ministered to.

As I said previously, I'm praying about a potential mission trip to Uganda. I really want to go, but I'm waiting for God to give me direction. I'll let you know if that possibility becomes a reality.

If you want to help, you can go to http://amazima.org/ and donate. You can also to go http://www.147millionorphans.com/ and purchase a magazine bead necklace. They are made by the women in Katie's community to help them support their families - these are former prostitutes and women who are missing arms who used to forage through trash to feed their children.

This post isn't nearly as uncomfortable as I had hoped it would be. Modern comforts like my phone and the TV and my very healthy children kept interrupting me.

The Big Picture

The first rule about blog writing is that you don't talk about blog writing (or, maybe you don't blog about blog writing? Since we don't talk we blog.). It's kind of an unspoken (unwritten?) rule, yet I've seen several professional bloggers write about not writing about it. Confused? So am I.

Moving on. I realized that this is blog post #162 for me. It's a random number, but considering I'm blogging, on average, 71% of the time (227 total days possible, if I added correctly), I think I'm doing rather well.

All this rambling to just to say that I wanted to tell you the POINT of this blog. A little late in the game, huh? Oh, well. Here it is anyway.

You see, I think I'm a fabulous writer. I know I may have delusions of grandeur, but some of my friends (whom I trust to tell me if my work is crap) have said that my work is good. My professors always told me I was an excellent writer. I've wanted to be a writer since I was about 10, but applying for an English degree seemed cheesy, so I went for "Communication Studies." Which had led me back to...writing.

Now, this blog is not my finest writing work. It's casual. I can just speak my mind. So if you're looking at this thinking I have no idea what I'm talking about, I promise, I do know how to write.

In light of my fabulosity (a word I just now made up) and apparent ego-tripping, I also aspire to become a public speaker. I want to talk to throngs of moms out there who need some reassurance that they are not the only ones who think their daughters are too sassy or their sons are really alien beings. I want to talk about parenting, adoption, infertility, post-pardum depression and the gamut of everything in-between. I want to encourage mothers to keep going, even when they feel like quitting and running away to Mexico - with or without their husbands.

(This is, if you didn't pick up on it, the reason I wrote yesterday's post on becoming well-known.)

So, I started this blog as a way to do several things:

1. Keep writing every day.
2. Share my faith.
3. Encourage other moms.
4. Become a launching point for my soon to be well-knowedness. (Another word I made up just for this blog.)

So, in a very brief and slightly random post, that is why I blog. Now you can say you knew me when (when I become "well-known" or when I get committed, either way).

http://www.flickr.com/photos/notionscapital/2493066577/

This is Not Real

As I've said before, I have a 13-year-old niece who is a lovely young lady. She's very optimistic and happy and loves the Lord. What more could I ask for?

But Madison and I have had some conversations in the past that I know will creep up as SB ages. One of the main things I'm noticing that Madison is going through and that SB will go through when she's older is self-image issues.

Nobody is perfect. Not a single person. And that goes especially for people in the physical sense. We are all flawed. Acne scars, flabby arms, dimpled legs. We're either too tall, too short, too fat or too skinny. Our hair is the wrong color. Our eyes are the wrong color.

Why do we feel this way about ourselves? Because day in and day out we are bombarded with photos of what "the world" wants us to look like. Tall - at least 5'10" - weighing in at a stick-like 110 pounds (which, by the way, is a BMI of only 15.8. Healthy is a BMI of 18.5 to 24.9). She has impossibly long legs, a flat stomach and cheeks so hollow a squirrel could hide acorns in them.

I wanted to share this Dove Real Beauty commercial to show you what really happens before a picture hits the billboard:


I can't believe that this girl is okay with them doing that to her! Is she not beautiful enough on her own?

We need to let today's teens and girls know that what they see in magazines is NOT real. Those pictures are not attainable for anyone - even the girl in the picture herself!

This:

IS NOT REAL!!!

If you're not familiar with Kimora, she has a reality show. That's about all I know about her other than she is GORGEOUS without being photoshopped.

Isn't she gorgeous as-is? Beautiful skin and face. Lovely curves? You agree, don't you?
Take a look at this. This is a shoot Britney Spears did to show what she actually looks like and what photoshopping does to her.

http://cocoperez.com/category/kimora-lee-simmons/page/3/

Now listen, I don't think Britney looks all that bad. She's a 29 year old mom of two who has obvious issues... she look pretty darn good.

Why can't we accept ourselves the way God made us? Why must the modern woman (and man) continuously strive to be taller, thinner, blonder, tanner, etc?

Now listen - this is not an anti-photoshop post. I adore photoshop. I use it all the time...just not to completely alter what I present to others.

Anyway. I'm rambling. The point is - love who you are. Love yourself how God made you. Don't listen to Hollywood, actresses, models or advertising. You are gorgeous just how you are.

I promise! Have I ever lied to you?

(And here's another video about how unreal this is. It's over 4 minutes, FYI)