Yes to the Dress

I love the show Say Yes to the Dress. It's awesome. I can't imagine having the budget these girls do for a dress. Most of their dress budgets cover my entire wedding budget - and I bought 2 dresses! I can't imagine spending $5,000 on a dress that will only be worn for a few hours. I really hope I can instill this idea in my children before they get married.
I mean - the wedding is great. It's the start of Forever, I get that. But really - the wedding is a day. It's the marriage we should be focused on. Want to spend $5k? Put a down payment on a house or car. Start a college saving plan for your children. Weddings are so temporary!

Marshall's and my anniversary is this week. Nine years! We've been talking about renewing our vows for our 10th, so I'm starting to think about that more. It's time to plan!

I checked into my #1 pick for location. Yeah...over $2,000. I don't think so. Remember what I said above about putting that money to better use? So I'm looking for a place that's free or close to it.

But I'm excited! I can't wait to renew our vows next year. I want to show my children what a committed marriage looks like, what love is like. God centered, respectful, loving. And I think hearing our vows spoken again will aide in that.

So I guess stay tuned in the next year for more on Vow Renewal 2013 news!

He was NOT Remy from Ratatouille

Last night as I was getting myself some ice cream, I heard a crunching coming from the laundry room. We keep the cat foot out there and often find one of our cats closed up munching away, but this was NOT one of our cats.

Oh, it had a long tail. And it was furry. And I swear it was bigger than my dogs. It was a RAT. A gross, huge, gray rat.
He was no Remy, that's for sure. Or even his not-picky brother Emile.

NOT the furry creature eating my cat's food.

No, this was a RAT. Eating my cat food.

If you know me, you know I'm a mouse aficionado. I love mice. I raised mice in college. (And fed them to my snake, but that's an entirely other blog post. A few I kept as pets.) Had this been a mouse, I would have just jarred the door and had him scurry on his merry way and laughed about it.

Seriously. It was as big as Oscar (my 6 pound chihuahua).

So I EEKed. Marshall came running. He asked what he could trap it in.

"I know! The dog crate!"
"The dog crate is next to the rat, Allison," he said. Well, he asked. That was my idea.

He went outside through another door and got a shovel. He opened the laundry room door - the Rat did not move. He whacked that thing with gusto. I EEKed again and hid my face, but I peeked through and saw that gross huge tail curl up. A direct hit!

Marshall grabbed the bag of cat food and threw it outside. I, smartly, handed him a small sledgehammer. I did not ask what he did with it. I do not want to know. All I know is that the rat is dead. I hope his little family gets the message and if not, some poison will be headed their way very soon.

Until then, we will NOT be watching Ratatouille anytime in the near future. Ugh!

Happy Birthday To You

Today is the Hubby's birthday! He is now officially in his 30s (he's 31). I am still trying to figure out when we left the 20s behind...

Anyway, my husband, Marshall, is an amazing man. He's a godly Christian who still admits his faults, he's a great father who knows he doesn't always get it right and he's an awesome husband who knows I will still occasionally give him "the look." (No, not that look. The other one.)

I am so blessed to have him in my life. I love that he still looks at me the way he did 13 years ago. I love that he can cook (much better than me!). I love that he's not afraid to try new things. I love that he gets super-excited when the kids show him a new trick. I love that he's fiercely devoted and protective of those he loves.

Happy Birthday, sweetie. You are my forever!

The Way You Do The Things You Do

My husband does not do things the way I do them. Please note: What he does is not wrong. Just different. Verrrrrrry different.

Take our morning for example. Once in a blue moon I ask him to get up with the kids in the morning. It's rare because - as previously stated - he's not a morning person.

When I get up I immediately let the dogs out, then prepare breakfast. I get the kids settled with their food and let the dogs in and feed them. While they eat I rush to the bathroom to wash and brush. Then I get Mac dressed, then I get SB dressed and ask her to brush her hair. They brush teeth. I make sure everything is in their backpacks for school. Then I go on a quest to 147 lost shoes because none match. Ever. Then someone needs a hairbow or socks or something else. Then shoes go on. Backpacks go on. (This is where Marshall wakes up...) Kisses and hugs. Everyone out the door.

When Marshall gets up, he wanders around the kitchen and finds something to feed the kids. Then he collapses back in bed or lays on the couch for a few minutes. The kids eat, play, and general merriment ensues. Then about fifteen minutes before they need to leave, he gets back up, tells the kids to get dressed. SB can usually dress herself, but he helps Mac who usually comes out looking like a mismatched lumberjack ("But both shirt and shorts have green in them..."). He tells them to get shoes on, and when they can't find them he does not know their usual hiding places, so then it's pandemonium to find shoes. (This is where I usually get up and let the dogs out because they've been scratching at their crate for 45 minutes.) Now they have about 2 minutes before they need to leave, still need shoes, backpacks, teeth brushed and whatnot else. Then they're out the door with me feeling more exhausted from how close to late they are than if I had gotten up in the first place.

Now - did he do anything wrong? No. Not at all. They still got their things, ate breakfast and made it to school. Just not how I would have done it. At all. But the kids love it when Daddy gets up with them in the morning. And he probably thinks I enjoy "sleeping in." But unless I'm truly exhausted, I am wide awake the whole time, laying in bed, listening to the chaos coming from outside my door.

To my wonderful hubby... it may not be how I do things, but it's the way you do the things you do...

Happy Anniversary

Eight years ago today I married the man of my dreams.

Wedding Day

I met Marshall when we were 13 years old - 17 years ago this month. 17 years? Wow. That makes me feel old right there.
We started dating when we went to college - I was 17, Marshall had just turned 18 that week. That was 13 years ago next month.

Did I mention that we're only 30 years old? We've known each other 56% of our lives. We've been together 43% of our lives. And we've been One Flesh 26% of our lives. Wow. When you put it in to percentages we've been together a very long time!

But you don't want to know percentages. You want to know WHY, don't you?

Marshall and I met in high school. He was the dorky friend. He does not love how I put that, but it's part of our story so there it is...He was my dorky fellow trombone playing friend. However, he will tell you he knew he was going to marry me the week we met. I'm sure glad he knew that...I sure didn't. We did date however briefly in the 10th grade. Marshall was a very nice boy, but his life was very different from mine and I felt we were incompatible (hey - I was 14).

So, obviously, I'm the girl. Marshall is next to me in the band jacket...

We were part of a small group in high school and we all went to Clemson together. I had recently become a Christian and Marshall's good values were suddenly very appealing. That and he had grown 6 inches in height as well as a mustache and goatee. Dorky Marshall had become Hot Marshall. We started dating when we got to Clemson. People were so surprised, "Go out with someone you don't know!" they told me. But within 2 weeks I knew we would get married.

Marshall and I dated 5 years before we were married. (Remember - we got married at the very young 22 years old. So waiting 5 years was appropriate.)

Marshall is kind, funny, smart, patient, and godly. We enjoy spending time together, our dates consist of going to stores to window shop because we can talk.
We've been told we're wonderful communicators - in our DSS adoption classes we had to give each other instructions to draw a particular picture and the class leader said we got the picture the most accurate out of all the classes she had ever taught! That was one of my most proud married moments!

Is our marriage perfect? No, of course not. We fight. We both have things about each other that bugs the other one.
I heard a quote from a celebrity the other day that they were divorcing because their marriage was hard work and they didn't think love like that should be work. Um...newsflash! Marriage is hard work. It's supposed to be hard work.
Love is an action. A daily decision. Those feelings when you're first together or first married is puppy love - lust. An emotion. Love is not an emotion. It's being angry with the person you married and loving them and choosing to be with them anyway. It's being dog tired from life but taking the time to talk and be intimate anyway.

Marriage is hard work. Being married to Marshall is hard work. I'm sure being married to me is hard work as well...I know I'm high maintenance!

So Happy Anniversary to my wonderful husband! Thank you for choosing me - day after day. I love you!

Haha! This is the most recent pic of just the two of us from a friend's 80s themed party! 

The Fly Killer

So the other night Marshall and I were retiring to bed (am I old enough to "retire" to bed? I guess so) when sitting next to me, perched on my alarm clock, was a fly. I think it was mocking me. That squirrel from the park has been talking smack, I just know it.

So I told Marshall to kill the fly. I take no prisoners.

Marshall said, "Just shoo it out of the room."

"No," I replied, "that will not do. It might come back. It's mocking me, it needs to be taught a lesson. Kill it. Be my knight in orange sleep shorts."

He laughed at me. But he did grab a t-shirt and roll it up.

Me: Are you going to snap it's butt like you're in a locker room or are you going to kill it?

Marshall: We don't have a fly swatter, this is the next best thing.

The fly then buzzed around me and I hid under the covers.

Marshall: Why are you hiding? It's a fly, not a bee. (I'm allergic to bees.)

Me: Don't you know that over the course of a lifetime a person ingests at least SEVEN BUGS IN THEIR SLEEP? I will not let that happen to me! I will not eat this fly!

**SNAP**

Marshall: Fly's dead.

Me: Oh, you are so sexy when you kill dangerous ninja flies.

Marshall rolled his eyes at me.

Me: This would make a great blog post. Don't let me forget it.

And I didn't. And now you know the story of my husband the fly killer.

Day of the Fathers

Today is Father's Day, in case you missed the 10,000 Lowe's commercials that have been on TV this month.

And in honor of Father's Day, I wanted to salute my dear husband, Marshall, who is an amazing father and husband. He provides for us, he puts up with my only slightly better than adequate cooking, he himself is an amazing cook who should do so more often, he handles the children when I decide I need to hide under my covers, and he kills bugs.

The bug thing is very important.

He's also wonderful because when I begged him to tell me something he wanted for this joyous and festive day, he could come up with nothing, so we all lugged off to Lowe's (home of the 10,000 commercials). He picked out a few things here and there so he could get back to fiddling with woodwork and graciously allowed me to buy Bakerella's Cake Pops book that cost more than his items combined (and hey - it was something like 25% off).

I thought, in honor of Dad's Day, I would do a Top 10 things that make a good dad.

1. He keeps Mom happy.
2. He allows the kids to use him as a pony & jungle gym.
3. He changes poopy diapers.
4. He gives the kids a bath at least once a week.
5. He lets the kids play with his iPhone/Droid even though they make the screen sticky.
6. He agrees to tea parties with Mr. Snuggles and Mrs. Pricklybottom.
7. He knows when to hand over the car keys and when not to.
8. He attempts to listen and discipher his drama queen daughter's latest plight, but in the end turns it over to Mom.
9. He sticks up for his son when he's being picked on.
10. He prays with his family each day.

Whether you've been a dad for a few days or a few decades, we honor all of you father's out there!

And to the father of my children (yes, I mean Marshall!), thank you for all you do. I love you!

Men are from Waffle House

...not Mars. And women are not from Venus, but Olive Garden, instead.

You see - men are waffles. Women are spaghetti. At least in the brain.

Men

Men have one track minds. They can compartmentalize things in a way that Ikea would be jealous of. They take one topic off the shelf, open it, utilize it, then put it back away to move on to the next thing. This also explains why men are so slow...it takes forever for them to do this process.

Women's minds, on the other hand, are the furthest thing from compartmentalized. It's like riding one roller coaster after another - we go from idea to idea in the same thought. In fact, it's all just one continuous thought. We think quickly, we move quickly and we don't slow down.

Women

I still recall one phone conversation I had in school. We started off talking about the cute boy in class. Then about how we looked. Then smiles. And before I knew it, we were comparing toothpaste. I think I was 11 or 12. Our ideas evolved and changed even though it was the same thought process.

My husband does not work this way. In fact, he is quick to point out when we talk that he is a waffle. "Allison, I have a waffle brain," he reminds me. Sometimes I think it's a wiffle brain, but I digress. He thinks about one thing at a time. Often I will remind him about something I had mentioned earlier. He has no clue as to what I am saying and I'll remind him I told him on XX day. He asks what he had been doing at the time. If he was doing anything at all - from watching NCIS to cooking to doing work - he will not remember because he did not have his "Pay Attention to Allison" bin pulled down from the Waffle Shelf.

However - when he tells me things, I am expected to remember. I can be folding laundry, helping someone in the potty, helping someone else spell their name, talk on the phone and STILL I know what he tells me. Usually. My mind is in 10 places at once, doing 10 different things and I keep going. There are no waffles in my head. Spaghetti all the way, to be sure.

I wanted to share this link to a sermon my pastor and his wife did last year called "First Comes Love." They explain the whole waffle/spaghetti thing really well. The whole video (about 45 minutes) is wonderful, but the waffle/spaghetti thing is at about 20 minutes in.

So, my husband be a waffle brain...but I love him anyway.

My Wedding Ring

Inside the ring Marshall put on my finger the day we got married, it says, "1 Cor 13:4-8."

And sometimes, I think we all need a reminder of this passage. It's one of the most well-known passages of the Bible and is recited most often at weddings.

But I don't think it's just about romantic love. It's about the love of a parent to a child. From a sister to a brother. From a friend to a friend. It's about every type of love we could ever imagine.

This is the entire chapter of 1 Corinthians 13. It's 13 verses long (who says 13 is an unlucky number?). Pour over every word, remember them, and try to live them...

  If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

  Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

  Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

  And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Heros: Take Twelve

Today's hero is short and sweet.

It's my husband, Marshall. He's just an amazing man and husband and father.

He puts up with all the kids' antics much better than I do.
He has waaaaaaaay more patience all around.
And he listens to all my crazy ideas and encourages me to pursue them no matter how wild they are.

So thank you, sweetie, for being who you are. You may not be perfect, but you're perfect for me.

So you're my husband!

Marshall and I got to go on a date night. It was heavenly, I don't think we've been on a date night in a few months (since our anniversary). We've just been so busy. But tonight we went out while my most wonderful Mom watched Thing 1 & Thing 2.

We went to eat at Long Horn. I had never been there before, but it was wonderful. We went because I had a $4 off coupon (thanks, Aunt Patty!), so our $48 meal was ONLY $44. LOL. But we had some wonderful food - their ribeyes were perfect - and even better conversation. And really, that's what a date night is all about, isn't it?

After eating we went to Toys "R" Us. Yes, I know, we were kidless and went to the toy store. We played with the toys - both big toys and kid toys. We got Mac's Halloween costume and looked at hand-held games we wanted to get for the kids and ourselves. And we talked more. There are a lot of good adult conversation starters in Toys "R" Us.

Then we went to Denny's next door and had dessert. When one of your children can't have dairy - going for chocolatey cake and ice cream is a real treat because we don't ever get it even as a family. 

All in all it was just a good night. I finally re-met the man who's been living with me all this time. He's my husband!

And I just want to remind those of you with significant others - please take time to be alone with them on occasion. And watching NCIS from opposite ends of the couch doesn't count. It it vitally important for children to see their parents in a loving relationship and for them to see that being romantic is good at any age - even when you're embarrassing the crum out of them!
Having date nights with your spouse is so important to reconnect. As I was reminded when I got married - your children will grow up and leave the house and you will be left with a man you don't recognize sitting across the dinner table from you. It's nice to remeet him every so often and remember WHY you fell in love in the first place.

The Best Decision I Ever Made

I just want to preface this by saying that I'm writing this on July 26th, way before our anniversary. But in light of the events that are coming up with Mac's case, I wanted to write this now when I'm thinking about my loving husband and not "now-when-you-read-this" when I may be thinking of other things (hopefully happy family things).

Marshall and I have been married seven years today. Is that it? Only seven? It sure feels longer. It's felt "longer" then entire marriage. And I don't mean that in a "Oh, God, it's been excruciatingly long and forever" kind of way.

We may have only been married 7 years, but next month we'll celebrate 12 years together. 12 years and we're not even 30 yet. How is that possible? 12 years together and we've known each other... (wait, I need to count) 16 years. That's a heckuva long time.

So we got married 7 years ago today. And I can tell you, 7 years later, that it was the best decision I ever made in my entire life. Best. Decision. Ever. Well, maybe agreeing to date him was the best decision ever, because I wouldn't have married him if he hadn't asked me out 5 years prior. But whatever. He is the best decision ever.

What's that? You want to hear our story? Oh, no, I couldn't. Well, okay, but only the abridged version, I have things to do!

Marshall and I met when we were 13 as freshmen in high school. We both played trombone in the band. His best friend Gary had a mad stalkish crush on me so we all hung out a lot. Marshall was geeky in my world and I, of course, was the best thing since sliced bread so I didn't pay the quiet kid too much attention.
Somehow in the 10th grade Marshall asked me out and I accepted. I liked his band jacket (even though I had a matching one) and stole it often so it was a smooth move as a 14 year old. Then I found out I was his first girlfriend ever and freaked out. That was the end of that and I admit that I was terrible to him (hence why my mother-in-law distrusted me for a long time).
But Marshall and I still hung out and I liked him a lot "as a friend." By the time we graduated, Marshall, Gary and I (along with a few other friends) were all slated to go to Clemson in the fall. Life was good.
Once at Clemson, Marshall showed up at band practice with a goatee, a mustache and about six extra inches and my eyes got all starry and I wondered how I never noticed how cute he was (it was all the facial hair, I swear). About a month after school started our freshmen year of college, Marshall shyly asked me to be his girlfriend, which was all too sweet, and I agreed. I became fast friends with a 'super senior' named Josh who promptly asked me, "Why are you dating him? You already know him. Why don't you date people you don't know?" (He wasn't asking this selfishly, he had a girlfriend whom he married.)
But two weeks after we started dating I knew we would get married.
He said he knew back in the 9th grade.
So we dated through college and got engaged in January 1, 2002 where I laughed at him for 10 minutes before finally saying, "Yes!" (I was excited, I wasn't actually laughing *at* him.)
We (I) planned a wedding, moved the date and scrapped it to start over, and finally got married on August 16, 2003 in Clemson, SC. We each had 6 attendants - all of whom I'm still on talking terms with - and started life together. Because as any sane person knows - The wedding is merely a day, it's the marriage that lasts a lifetime.

So that's the very, very short version of our story.

And to Marshall I say this:
I'm not the perfect wife or mom, and hopefully I don't pretend to be (though you should tell me I am anyway). I make mistakes, but hopefully in our lives together I also make rights. Or is that non-mistakes? Good decisions? Yes...hopefully I make some good decisions. And I promise I'll try harder at not trying to be funny all the time. Try is the key word.
And I know I stress out way too much, but you know how I used to be - you've mellowed me out so much! But Allison is synonymous with stressed out, so please bear with me. Maybe when I turn 50 I will have learned how to handle stress. Maybe not. I'll try not to stress about it too much.
But I love you. I, Stressarella, love you, Laid Back Boy. With all my heart. I am so thankful God brought us together when I least expected it. I do think He sent you to save me and save me you did.
You put up with all my quirky ideas and plans. You have accepted my strange eating habits (see? there was a reason I don't eat cheese!), you have encouraged my lofty career plans (remember you were going to be the stay at home parent while I was Career Girl?), you have allowed me to be me even when I'm challenging you to change who you are and conform to my structured ways. And I'm so glad you resist, because two of me is one too many...plus Sarah Bradley is on that road already.
And speaking of the kids...I am amazed by your ability to love them and discipline them in love daily. You handle the Princess and her OCD ways better than you handle mine. And the fact that you were willing 10 years ago to open your heart to adoption means more to me than anything else you could have ever done. And look and the blessing we received from that. Having Mac and Sarah Bradley as a part of our family only makes me love and appreciate you more, even if I don't show it.
I am in awe daily that you love me as you do. I don't know what else to say but, "Thank you."

I'm going to stop there because I'm crying now and you're going to come out of the kitchen from doing dishes (thank you!) any second and wonder what on earth I'm doing that's making me cry.

Happy Anniversary, Marshall. I look forward to 77 more. XOXO

It's official!

The wedding party...

Still one of my favorite wedding pictures...

Dad's Scorecard

It's Father's Day here in the good ole U S of A so I thought Dads deserved a post all their own.

My children's father is a wonderful father. Thankfully he's also the World's Best Husband. It's a proven fact, don't try to argue with me about that. He wins. 

But I thought it would be fun to give dads their own scorecard. I hope your father or your children's father scores high!

He's a dad: +10 

Add +1 for every child you have over the first one (so 1 child=10, 2 kids=11, 3 kids=12, etc)

He takes the kids to school, soccer, ballet, etc +3

He reads them a bedtime story +2

He gives baths +2

He runs away at bath time -2

He acts as your child's personal pony +3

He often does without so your child can have something +3

He takes the last ____ and doesn't share -4

He takes the last ___, shares and gives your child the bigger portion +5

He's okay with wearing matchy clothes on family picture day +2

He lets you go out for Mommy time more than he goes for Daddy time +7

He never lets you go out for Mommy time -10

He wears the tie the kids got him even though he hates ties and has no reason to wear them +3

He laughs at the gifts your children give him -15

He always kisses you and shows your children how to be a good husband and father +20

There's a possible 60+ points here. If your husband scored a 60 or above (above would be fore multiple children), you have a wonderful man! He deserves the best!

If your hubby scored 45-59 points - your BabyDaddy is doing a good job. As long as he's not laughing at your children or being mean, you got a good thing going.

If the score was 30-45 point - He needs some work and deserves that ugly tie. But don't give up hope. If he loves you, he's a keeper.

If your husband scored below 30 points. Well, I'm sorry, I sure hope nobody's husband scores below 30 points. Let's just leave it at that.

If you are reading this and you are a single mother... you are my hero for being both mom and dad on a daily basis. I hope you get the recognition you deserve. 

Happy Father's Day!